In an experiment at MIT mice fed yogurt as compared to junk food developed luxuriantly thicker fur and bigger testicles that they projected outwards, giving them an air of “mouse swagger.” Scientific American It’s Friday night and, like every other mouse in the lab, I’m cruisin’ the scene–TGIF and all that. I reached […]
via TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network
NO NEONICOTINOIDS in good old traditional napalm. “I am sure they are being overly cautious in banning these so-called ‘bee-harming’ pesticides,” said Much Craplock farmer, Silage Marner. 119 more words
via Farmers return to traditional pest control methods to save bees — The Daily Squabble
The trip was brief.
The controversy has endured.
Four Big Macs were purchased. Four Big Macs were present in the take-out bag. Four Big Macs were removed from the take-out bag. One person claims to have never gotten a Big Mac. Three others claim to have eaten only one Big Mac apiece.
Accusations have flown. Accusations still fly.
That fateful night:
The names have been changed to…screw it, these are the actual names.
Lance: Give me my Big Mac.
Matt: You ate it.
Lance: No I didn’t.
Matt: Yes you did.
Lance: I think I would remember eating a Big Mac.
Matt: Evidently you don’t.
Lance: Hey Al, you ate my Big Mac didn’t you?
Al: (Al grunts something inaudibly as he consumes his Big Mac, and drools on himself.)
Me: Well I didn’t eat it.
Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac!
An hour later, sitting on Matt’s front porch.
Lance: I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.
Matt: You ate the Big Mac!
Lance: Look at me, I have no sesame seeds on me. If had eaten a Big Mac, I would have sesame seeds all over me.
Me: Maybe the seeds fell off.
Lance: What about the lettuce? What about the secret sauce? There’s not a drop of secret sauce on my face…I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.
Years later:
Lance: Remember that night you guys ate my Big Mac.
Matt: YOU ate the Big Mac!
Still more years later:
Lance: I really wanted that Big Mac that you guys ate that night.
Matt: (Says nothing in an act of silent frustration.)
More recently:
Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac that night.
Matt via email: There’s no dispute, Lance wolfed it down in two bites.
Lance: That’s not how it went down.
Like Amelia Earhart’s strange disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle; the years have offered no answers, only more questions.
So if you’re ever traveling on that mysterious stretch of road, and you have take-out, be wary.
Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) St. Paul’s School is well-known for its haircut policy requiring any student whose hair grows past a certain length to cut it, as well as shave any facial hair they have, or face disciplinary action. A St. Paul’s student has reportedly joined a gang and fallen into a […]
QUIRKY little motor not exactly attracting mates. Gavin Rowlocks, a Fiat Panda owner, has been very disappointed by the level of female desire his vehicle arouses. “I thought women loved cute creatures,” complained Gavin. “How can they resist a car that resembles an endangered giant bear from behind – right down to its adorable ear-like […]
via Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble
Calling each other “irrational” and “annoying,” potato farmer Tom Bruise and his wife Lucy quickly resolved all marital conflicts by not talking to each other. “It totally works,” said Bruise. “Ever since we resolved to shut our respective traps, I’ve been angrily washing the dishes while she texts her friends, and we get along just […]
via Not talking to each other key to resolving marital conflicts — The Bald Beagle
Man: Is there someone here that I can talk to about a job?
Me: The plant manager does the hiring, but he isn’t here today.
Man: So I can’t talk to anyone today?
Me: Sorry.
Man: (visibly upset) But I made sure not to smoke crack today.
Me: That’s very conscientious of you; I’ll add a note to your resume specifying that you made sure not to smoke crack today.
Man: (pointing an accusatory finger at me) You better not be lying to me.
Me: Trust me, writing that note will be a genuine pleasure.
Man: Just make sure you do it.
Unfortunately, we’d already filled our quota of habitual drug users.
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. It was, said Dr. Phillip Reiff as he relaxed after dinner last night, “the biggest ‘Eureka!’ moment” of his career. “We thought the science in this area was fairly well-established,” he tells this reporter as he finishes a glass of Malbec, then orders a double espresso and a slice of cheesecake from a waitress at […]
via New Study Reveals Last Previous Study Totally Bogus — Gerbil News Network
They seem like a fun bunch.
“I throw fantastic parties.”
idiotpruf 