The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

But Seriously

the critic

“You’re just not serious enough.”

My blog has recently received a criticism that I feel necessitates a response.

Note: when I write that my blog has received a criticism, what I mean is I’m choosing to focus on one criticism from the myriad of criticisms I have been inundated with. Criticisms of a variety and amount, they compel the use of the words myriad and inundate.

I have a meticulously constructed an eight-step process for dealing with criticism.

  1. Dismiss it initially with a forced chuckle.
  2. Allow it to slowly creep back into my thoughts.
  3. Push it to the dark recesses of my brain where it will exist as a tiny glowing ember.
  4. Consciously ignore the fact that the glowing ember is growing into a substantial blaze.
  5. Remain in a state of denial as the blaze turns into an inferno.
  6. Enter a state of white-hot seething rage.
  7. The sudden realization that I’m just being silly and I need to relax.
  8. The next day I drop a package in the mail to the criticizer. The package contains a colony of Crazy Stinging Amazonian Bastard Ants. The label on the package reads: shake roughly before opening.

Note: Crazy Stinging Amazonian Bastard Ants hate to be shaken; they especially hate to be shaken roughly.

What was the criticism that triggered this post?

This blog isn’t serious enough.

Ridiculous. Here are some of the serious topics this blog has tackled:

  • The growing garden gnome menace.
  • How to deal with unruly neighbors without leaving evidence.
  • How to destroy evidence.
  • The plight of our nation: the great mime scourge.
  • How to remove white face paint from your hand.

Note: I am by no means advocating that anyone slap a mime in the face. Violence is wrong.

  • The horror of being attacked with a dead weasel.
  • The horror of being attacked with a Justin Bieber doll.
  • The less horrific nature of being attacked by Justin Bieber himself.
  • The ongoing feud between Justin Bieber and Beaker the Muppet.
  • The embarrassment of being beaten up by a piece of felt.
  • How French fries cause cancer in lab rats.
  • How everything causes cancer in lab rats.
  • Why it sucks to be a lab rat.
  • Why bulls have names like Destroyer, The Mauler, and Widow-maker.
  • Why bull-riders have names like Bucky, Earl, and that guy who used to have testicles.
  • Why rodeo clowns smell like hay, manure, and quiet desperation.
  • Boy bands and why badgers hate them.
  • The ongoing search for the existence of Bigfoot.
  • Lady Bigfoot, her breasts and the ongoing search for their existence.
  • What to do if someone accuses you of being a leprechaun.
  • Why crack cocaine is bad, and prompts others to accuse you of being a leprechaun.
  • Why crack cocaine causes others to brandish a weapon as they make wild accusations.
  • How crack cocaine can lead to your arrest.
  • Why people hate raccoons and their creepy little people hands.
  • The end of the world on December 12, 2012.
  • Other crap the Mayans got wrong.
  • Why Tom Cruise thinks we have aliens inside of us.
  • Other possible titles for Katie Holmes autobiography.
  • The discovery of a unicorn lair in North Korea
  • Other things weird little dictators believe in.
  • The correlation between great literature and monkeys throwing feces.

A veritable cornucopia of pure seriousness.

I think I’ve made my point.


Another critic accused this blog of being almost funny. This person’s opinion almost matters.

His opinion walks right up to the edge of mattering, but just doesn’t quite get there.

His opinion sticks its toes in the ocean of mattering, but decides the water is too cold and probably filled with parasites and medical waste.

Instead of taking a nice swim, his opinion decides to go cliff diving.

The cliff diving almost goes well, but not quite.

His opinion ends its existence impaled on a jagged rock.

It’s a pity…almost.

idiotprufs, wile e coyote,

Opinions and gravity just don’t mix.




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69 thoughts on “But Seriously

  1. I’m with you! I always enjoy it when someone complains about my blog in the same way. My blog title should explain to the reader what my blog is about.


  2. I find your Blog very Serious! I learn a lot every week, very educational, better then Wiki leaks!! I know of your wrath, so I’m being very polite tonight! I have nightmare’s of bugs crawling up the side of my bed, I don’t need Crazy Amazonian Bastard Ants also! Also, I take heed to your warning about Smoking to much Crack! lol….
    Oh by the way, I love Raccoons, even though I was growled at and chased one night! Maybe it was the Crack again.??


  3. Can this blog please address the issue of what to do if others accuse you of being a genie? I promise you, this is not at all the same as the leprechaun issue. My friend’s daughter is convinced – without any provocation on my part, mind you – that I am a genie, and if I’m not going to beat her with a dead weasel then I just don’t know what to do.

    Also, raccoons are not creepy. Their hands are the cutest bit. You’re just flat-out wrong on that one. It’s okay, I’m prepared to forgive you, if you can help me with the other thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As a new reader of your blog, I must respectfully disagree with your critic. Considering the crazy world we live in, it seems your blog is just serious enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great post! I like your approach to criticism 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think I have some of those Crazy Stinging Amazonian Bastard Ants lurking in my yard. Here in Florida, we simply call them fire ants. If you ever got stung by one, you’d know why. What you propose is stinging humor skillfully delivered from the vengeful comedian. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Y’know, it took me a sec to get that white-paint thing. See!? Your blog performs a valuable service!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Greetings furiend… I have a surprise fur you in my blog post tomorrow…(I purromise it doesn’t involve angry stinging ants)….. MOL!!♥


  9. For what it’s worth, 1. some people get off on harsh critique. They think it makes them seem smart. They are mistaken. Also, 2. I adored your response with a white-hot love that knows no bounds. And finally, 3. Mimes deserve slapping. It’s good for them. Like fiber.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I’d like to follow your 8-step program, but I don’t know where to get Crazy Stinging Amazonian Bastard Ants. (Other than by insulting your blog, which somehow seems like a bad idea just now.)


  11. Somebody really said that? Seriously? Well whoever said that is probably spinning in his/her grave figuratively speaking because this post killed figuratively speaking.

    I had a lady take umbrage with one of my 70’s posts because she liked the 70’s as she was busy accomplishing things while I must have been sitting around on my butt.

    I handled it very maturely by telling her to go away and never come back.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Obviously these people have no idea what they’re talking about. I read this blog BECAUSE it’s so serious.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The person is wrong. I think your blog is very cereal.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. And now you have seriously discouraged any comments … 😛


  15. Hear! Hear! Well put!


  16. Your package of ants sounds pretty serious so it should take care of that criticism quite nicely. I commend you on your handling of it.


  17. You are brilliantly amusing! I love your blog!!! But I do wonder how one would determine the parentage or lack there of with regards to the Amazonian ants?

    Is the mothers marital status at the time of the ants hatching a matter of public record or do you just assume their bastard status based solely on the
    sheer disgruntled behaviour they demonstrate during the selection process.

    I think I just answered my own question as I read up on the life cycle of an ant.

    I really need to get out more.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. MOL! LOVE it human….. I’d love to see the look on that human’s face when he gets that package of angry ants!! *(purrs)*


    Liked by 1 person

  19. I love your writing. No criticism here. LOVE.


  20. I love it. I’m too afraid to say anything critical… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I might adapt your eight step process for dealing with criticism. I was stopping at number seven.


  22. The blog isn’t serious enough? Hmm, given the nature of your blog’s title and sub-title, I think it’s safe to assume this is not a serious blog. Apparently who ever left that remark takes life (and blog titles) at face value and without any dash of humor.

    Liked by 2 people

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