The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Dear Critic

the critic

Due to recent events, I believe it’s time to dust-off this post from several years ago.

Dear critic,

I want to extend my deepest apologies to you. I know that I have failed you, as a blogger, and as a man.

I understand that my blog is not what you desire it to be.

But know this: I feel your pain.

Every time I stumble upon a blog about a person dealing with their battle with depression, I think to myself: why aren’t you blogging about pumpkins, or carving pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns, or pumpkin pie, or any gourd based pastry? How dare you blog about something that is important to you?

Every time I come across a blog about photography, I think: why so many pictures? Mountains, rivers, trees, children at play, it nauseates me? Why aren’t you blogging about foot fungus or calligraphy? Why aren’t you blogging about foot fungus, written in calligraphy? Shame.

I recently found a blog devoted strictly to the music of the Beatles. I know what you’re thinking: what about the Spice Girls? When are Scary, Sporty, Baby, Ginger, and Posh going to get their due? I have always felt that Victoria Beckham doesn’t get nearly the amount of press she deserves. You can suck up to Sir Paul McCartney all you want; he isn’t going to be your friend.

And when I find a blog about food, I think: why aren’t you blogging about your collection of toenail clippings? And if you don’t have a collection of toenail clippings, why not? All you need are toenail clippers, a mason jar, and a bit of a creepy bent. Time is wasting.

When I discover a blog about politics, I think: why aren’t you blogging about mimes…strike that, mimes suck.

You took me to task for not commenting on the Charlie Hebdo incident. You felt that, I, as a humor blogger (as lighthearted and funny as mass murder is) had a duty to stand up for freedom of speech. But isn’t freedom of speech also the right to choose what not to write about?

Note: Sorry, I was starting to make a serious point there. I will now counter it with a goofy image of baby chicks in jester hats.

Silly Chicks

That’s better.

And finally, when I come across a blog devoted to criticizing other blogs, I think: well done, you are doing yeoman’s work. Keep it up, you make the sun shine brighter.

So dear critic, in the future I will strive to do better.

Best regards,


P.S. Oscar Wilde once wrote that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and yet the highest form of intelligence. If it the case that sarcasm is beyond your grasp: you suck.

Victoria Beckham

Don’t worry Victoria, we’ll get your face out there.



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62 thoughts on “Dear Critic

  1. Writings By Payal Tyagi on said:

    Wonderfully written


  2. I enjoy the sarcastic tone of the article and the graphic of Jay Sherman.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’re far too hamstrung by political correctness to believe freedom of speech still exists.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What do critics know anyway, it is just their opinion. Thanks for the post.


  5. I used to live by Victoria Beckham’s philosophy that smiling gives you wrinkles which I still believe. If anyone deserves a reality show it’s her.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think I may borrow your niche “The Art of the Spice (Girls). Stop. Right Now. Thank you very much. Following

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ha ha the funniest thing I’ve read today)) of course, after looking over my own posts

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I nearly screamed bloody murder when I thought this post was taking a turn for the serious, but thank god you stuck in the chickens in jester hats just in the nick of time. That was some nice nimble blogging!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well, I’m glad to see you’re treating this complaint with the seriousness it deserves.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Reblogged this on Paul Davies Cartoons and commented:
    For those of you cheesed off with my variation on a Russian Border Guard running theme here’s a blog that I enjoyed with some comments that resonate. Makes a change from the Guards…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Anyone who posts Chicks in jester hats gets their apology immediately accepted.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. LOVE your response(s)! Cattitude at its best!!😸(You sure you’re not a kat?)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Victoria will always love you. Just keep posting the left side of her face and you’re good.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Loved it. Where is this blog criticizing other blogs? I want on that list.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Expectations! No one told me there were EXPECTATIONS for my blog! I’ll have to remove the complaints department.

    Chicks after my own heart. Awwww. They live at Wits End with me.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Perfect….(except for the touch of “Spice” photo 😉 ) lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. What about foot-toenail-fungus-collection?

    Liked by 1 person

  18. why didn’t you show us a picture of Victoria Beckham’s foot fungus? Thanks to this article, that is what I shall devote my blog to for the rest of eternity…unless I don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Damn!
    I was so looking forward to your commentary on mass murderers and foot fungus.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Sounds like you were visited by a troll. Or perhaps you’re trolling yourself. That would be the ultimate in dastardly mischief.

    “foot fungus, written in calligraphy”—Ha. Take that, Lotrimin.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. LOL! I love this. That’s me too, failing to live up to people’s expectations, over and over again. Or as some have put it, “You have withered crops and shamed the ancestors!” That is my most awesome complaint ever. What can I say, my bad. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  22. When you strive, we high-five. *high-fives herself and misses*

    Now back to my blog where I’ll be writing about crafting using toilet paper rolls and spit.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I remember VB when she did look like that but doesn’t look much like that any more; she’s more full of chemicals than a shell garage.

    Liked by 3 people

  24. skinnyandsingle on said:

    You rock… foot fungus pics to follow

    Liked by 2 people

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