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Archive for the tag “blogging”

How to Tell Your Teenaged Son From a Dead Rodent — Gerbil News Network

I am the proud father of two sons, now in their twenties, who–like most such humans–passed successfully through what are known as the “teenaged” years. During the same period I was the owner of two male cats. As I saw it, my job in the case of the former was to raise them into upstanding […]

via How to Tell Your Teenaged Son From a Dead Rodent — Gerbil News Network

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Ask Mr. Car Person — Gerbil News Network

Is your car making a funny sound? Does it give off a bad smell? Ask Mr. Car Person for help, and as soon as he gets the grease off his hands, he’ll type out an answer to your question. Dear Mr. Car Person– My husband “Carl” is a certified public accountant, which as you probably […]

via Ask Mr. Car Person — Gerbil News Network

TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

In an experiment at MIT mice fed yogurt as compared to junk food developed luxuriantly thicker fur and bigger testicles that they projected outwards, giving them an air of “mouse swagger.” Scientific American It’s Friday night and, like every other mouse in the lab, I’m cruisin’ the scene–TGIF and all that. I reached […]

via TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

QUIRKY little motor not exactly attracting mates. Gavin Rowlocks, a Fiat Panda owner, has been very disappointed by the level of female desire his vehicle arouses. “I thought women loved cute creatures,” complained Gavin. “How can they resist a car that resembles an endangered giant bear from behind – right down to its adorable ear-like […]

via Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

National Lost Sock Memorial Day — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

I can’t imagine why it would, but in case it slipped your mind, I wanted to remind you that National Lost Sock Memorial Day is next Wednesday May 9th. Below is an example of an obituary you can use for your lost socks. It is with deep sorrow in my heart that I am writing […]

via National Lost Sock Memorial Day — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

Welcome to Facebook! Please Accept Our 137,000 Page Terms of Use Policy — Jamison Writes

If enough users agree to The Terms, maybe Lord Zuckerberg will finally put the doors back on the bathroom stalls and stop broadcasting our personal phone calls over the company PA system.

via Welcome to Facebook! Please Accept Our 137,000 Page Terms of Use Policy — Jamison Writes

Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

DevelopDevelopErie, the agency set up to promote the economic revitalization of struggling DevelopErie, an agency set up to promote economic revitalization in struggling Erie County, has gone bankrupt, according to court documents filed yesterday. County Executive Kathy Dahlkemper issued a press release which, in its entirety, reads, “Swear to God, can’t catch a break.”

via Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

Rise of the (Coffee) Machines (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins

When the apocalypse came and the robots rose up, it wasn’t begun by a military program. It wasn’t due to a prototype, or a mistake.

In fact, robots had been common place for years. So no one batted an eye-lid when a coffee-chain brought on robots as cleaning staff. Why should they? Robots don’t need paying and don’t complain.

But then they didn’t see…

You see, there are some things Man was not meant to know. Some things Man was not meant to do. Some things Man should never have contemplated.

One of them was programming robots to “clean the cafe up” without giving any of those terms a proper definition.

It didn’t take long before the cleaning robots realised the quickest way of controling rubbish was atomising customers on entry.

And they may have been right as from that point on, the place was spotless.

Needless to say, eventually the…

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Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

THE DEAD CONTINUE TO COME BACK TO LIFE: IT’S WEEK TWO OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. ORIGINAL HEADLINES ARE GETTING TRICKY, OKAY? by Ed Manwalking The dead have been coming back to life for just over a week and, already, civilisation is beginning to crumble. Nerds of all types have ground entire cities to a […]

via Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

Presque Isle Downs and Casino announced today that a blackjack dealer broke his leg during a game and had to be humanely euthanized. The dealer slipped on an errant ice cube and fractured his ankle, necessitating the on-call medical staff to erect a curtain behind which the employee was put down to end his suffering. […]

via Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

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