idiotprufs

what the hell else are you gonna do with your time?

Archive for the tag “blogging”

Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

QUIRKY little motor not exactly attracting mates. Gavin Rowlocks, a Fiat Panda owner, has been very disappointed by the level of female desire his vehicle arouses. “I thought women loved cute creatures,” complained Gavin. “How can they resist a car that resembles an endangered giant bear from behind – right down to its adorable ear-like […]

via Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

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National Lost Sock Memorial Day — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

I can’t imagine why it would, but in case it slipped your mind, I wanted to remind you that National Lost Sock Memorial Day is next Wednesday May 9th. Below is an example of an obituary you can use for your lost socks. It is with deep sorrow in my heart that I am writing […]

via National Lost Sock Memorial Day — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

Welcome to Facebook! Please Accept Our 137,000 Page Terms of Use Policy — Jamison Writes

If enough users agree to The Terms, maybe Lord Zuckerberg will finally put the doors back on the bathroom stalls and stop broadcasting our personal phone calls over the company PA system.

via Welcome to Facebook! Please Accept Our 137,000 Page Terms of Use Policy — Jamison Writes

Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

DevelopDevelopErie, the agency set up to promote the economic revitalization of struggling DevelopErie, an agency set up to promote economic revitalization in struggling Erie County, has gone bankrupt, according to court documents filed yesterday. County Executive Kathy Dahlkemper issued a press release which, in its entirety, reads, “Swear to God, can’t catch a break.”

via Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

Rise of the (Coffee) Machines (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins

When the apocalypse came and the robots rose up, it wasn’t begun by a military program. It wasn’t due to a prototype, or a mistake.

In fact, robots had been common place for years. So no one batted an eye-lid when a coffee-chain brought on robots as cleaning staff. Why should they? Robots don’t need paying and don’t complain.

But then they didn’t see…

You see, there are some things Man was not meant to know. Some things Man was not meant to do. Some things Man should never have contemplated.

One of them was programming robots to “clean the cafe up” without giving any of those terms a proper definition.

It didn’t take long before the cleaning robots realised the quickest way of controling rubbish was atomising customers on entry.

And they may have been right as from that point on, the place was spotless.

Needless to say, eventually the…

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Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

THE DEAD CONTINUE TO COME BACK TO LIFE: IT’S WEEK TWO OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. ORIGINAL HEADLINES ARE GETTING TRICKY, OKAY? by Ed Manwalking The dead have been coming back to life for just over a week and, already, civilisation is beginning to crumble. Nerds of all types have ground entire cities to a […]

via Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

Presque Isle Downs and Casino announced today that a blackjack dealer broke his leg during a game and had to be humanely euthanized. The dealer slipped on an errant ice cube and fractured his ankle, necessitating the on-call medical staff to erect a curtain behind which the employee was put down to end his suffering. […]

via Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

Local Man Still Doesn’t Understand Erie Spring Cleanup Rules — gooferie

Upon hearing that Erie’s single-item Spring Cleanup program will begin soon, eastside resident Jody Porter immediately dragged nearly a dozen pieces of broken down furniture and electronic appliances to the curb in front of his house, where it will sit for the next month at least. Neighbors tried to remind him that the rules allow only one large […]

via Local Man Still Doesn’t Understand Erie Spring Cleanup Rules — gooferie

Another Post From Gooferie

Stretched out on a chaise lounge under a warm, bright sun shielded by a natural canopy of palm trees, former Erie School Superintendent James Barker casually informed “Paco,” a waiter at the exclusive resort where he was staying, that he would like a second beverage of the kind that was provided to him earlier. As […]

via Dr. James Barker Would Like “Another One of Those, Please” — gooferie

The Top Ten Reasons People Unfollow This Blog

unfollow button

Number 10

The medication has finally begun to work.

Number 9

The mimes are beginning to win their battle against me.

Number 8

The overwhelming shame and the constant hassle of having to delete their browser history has become too much.

Number 7

This blog causes cancer in lab rats. (It kills wombats outright.)

Number 6

This blog was hacked by the North Korean government following an unfortunate comment concerning Kim Jong Un’s potato-faced head. (He has a potato-faced head.)

kim jong Un

Mrs. Potato Head is sold separately.

Number 5

Internet privileges have been revoked in the violent offenders wing of Attica.

Number 4

An unexpected backlash after the post entitled: Charles Manson: not such a bad guy.

Number 3

After the alcohol induced haze passes, people realize this blog is crap.

Number 2

After my ugly break with the Church of Scientology, Tom Cruise’s army of thugs have been relentless in their opposition of this blog.

Number 1

The sudden and jarring realization people have as they read this blog: I’m worth more than this.

mr. potato head

The mustache looks good on you, Kim Jong.

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