Today is National Hairball Awareness Day!
Are you as excited about that as I am?
Today is the day we acknowledge our feline friends and their propensity to groom themselves to point hacking up a wet ball of fur on your good shoes (Your cat literally stepped over multiple pairs of old sneakers to deposit her gift on expensive leather.)
I’ve acknowledged hairballs. You are now aware of hairballs. Mission complete.
But today is also World Day for Safety and Health at Work.
You may think this is just a coincidence. You could not possibly be more mistaken.
Note: honestly, you could be more mistaken. If you to say the Earth is flat, or that Mars is populated with tiny little men who look like Marvin the Martian from Bugs Bunny cartoons, or that the moon is made of green cheese, or that Kayne West is really a wonderfully kind and affable guy who is just misunderstood, you would be more mistaken. Like that time I said mimes don’t suck.
“Martians don’t suffer from hairballs.”
Hairballs can have an enormous influence on health and safety at work.
Have you ever been near a coworker who suddenly began to hack up a hairball?
There are countless situations when it is dire to have this happen at work.
- When operating a forklift.
- When operating a chainsaw.
- When juggling chainsaws. (This mostly applies to professional jugglers.)
- When juggling knives. (Professional jugglers and Benihana chefs.)
- When performing delicate surgery. (Sometimes you have to reattach the fingers of chainsaw jugglers.)
- During the closing arguments of high profile murder case. (If Marcia Clark hadn’t hacked up that giant hairball on juror #5, O.J. Simpson would have never gotten off.)
- When jousting for the honor of a fair maiden. (This one hasn’t really been applicable for a few centuries. But back in the day it was a serious matter.)
- When landing a lunar module.
- Space travel in general. (What do you think really happened to Apollo 13?)
- If the coworker hacking up the hairball is standing a little too close to your lunch.
See what I mean?
And that is why today is also Workers Memorial Day.
Did you know that more than one hundred workers gave their lives in the completion of the Hoover Dam? Mostly from hairball incidents.
So take a moment today to stop and consider the countless lives that were lost in the building of the infrastructure of this great nation.
And think about hairballs.
That liar Tom Hanks and his film of propaganda.