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idiotprufs

the blog that made the pope laugh so hard he peed himself.

Archive for the category “mythology”

Tran and Penn: the Sylvanias

william penn

William Tran Penn.

It occurred to me the other day, that if the William Penn, founder of the English colony of Pennsylvania, had been named William Tran, then I would currently be residing in the great Commonwealth of Transylvania.

Wouldn’t that be awesome!

The Sylvanias have so much in common.

Bram Stoker’s fictional character Dracula.

Dracula was based the real-life ruler Vlad the Impaler. Vlad Dracula was known for committing many acts of brutality, his favorite being impaling his enemies on stakes.

There are numerous tourist attractions around Transylvania connected to Vlad.

castle bran

Bran Castle, a tourist attraction associated with Vlad the Impaler. (I wonder if pigeons poop on it,)

We have a statue of Rocky.

rocky

Statue of Rocky. (Pigeons definitely poop on it.)

Rocky Balboa is a fictional character created by actor and filmmaker Sylvester Stallone, (himself known for brutal acts of annunciation) based on the real-life boxer Chuck Wepner.

Chuck Wepner

Real-life boxer Chuck Wepner. (Pigeons wouldn’t dare.)

Transylvania is often thought of as eerie.

church scary

An eerie church in Transylvania. (Pigeons are afraid to poop here.)

We have a place literally named Erie!

Erie eerie

Erie, Pennsylvania: it may be spelled differently, but it’s just as creepy. (Pigeons don’t poop here, but the seagulls crap on everything.)

Transylvania is romanticized as place inhabited by supernatural creatures such as vampires, werewolves, and monsters.

abott and costello

Abott and Costello knew all about these monsters.

We have a groundhog the predicts the freaking weather.

idiotprufs groundhog day punxsutawny phil

Abott and Costello knew almost nothing about Punxsutawney Phil.

There’s a bunch of other similarities between Pennsylvania and Transylvania involving steel production, ethnic and religious backgrounds, and geographical features, but that crap is all boring.

So I’ll leave you with the one striking difference between Pennsylvania and Transylvania.

The Transylvania State football team is just a bunch of tiny, slow-footed, pasty-faced, European guys.

 

Franco Harris steeler

Penn State great Franco Harris smashing through the Transylvania State offensive line.

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Medusa Banned From Hair Salon

medusaIsland of Sarpedon–Athena, the proprietor of Athena’s Hair, Nails, and Greek Yogurt Temple, has caused a stir by refusing to serve one of her most loyal customers.

“I’ve been going to Athena’s Temple for years now,” a distraught Medusa commented. “Suddenly it seems that my presence is a problem.”

“When Medusa and her sisters Stheno and Euryale would stop by it was delightful,” Athena said. “They were all so easy to deal with, especially Medusa; she had flowing locks of golden hair with nary a split end–things are different now.”

“I got involved with Poseidon, became pregnant and my body went through a few changes–is that so horrible?” Medusa demanded.

“A few changes?” Athena responded indignantly. “Her hair was transformed into a writhing mass of hissing venomous snakes…and some of them are really mean. And that’ not the worst of it: her face is so hideous, merely gazing upon it turns a person to stone.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say about a person,” Medusa replied when informed of Athena’s statement.

“Did you notice all those statues I have in front of the Temple?” Athena replied, “They’re all former employees; do you have any idea what that does to your insurance?”

“I don’t know what I’ll do now that I can’t go to Athena’s,” Medusa lamented.

“There’s a reptile farm down the street,” Athena recommended.

“That’s so very hurtful,” Medusa said as she wiped a tear from one the serpents eyes.

antidote

“You shouldn’t have to keep so much snake anti-venom on stock just to run a hair salon,” Athena stated.

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