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idiotprufs

the blog that made the pope laugh so hard he peed himself.

Archive for the tag “St. Patricks Day”

Leprechauns Invade Speedeez Sports Bar and Grill


idiotprufs, leprechaun
North East, Pa–This Saint Patrick’s Day the small town of North East, Pennsylvania has been overrun by leprechauns. It seems a local watering hole, Speedeez, has attracted the diminutive green-clad creatures.

“They just came out of nowhere,” one patron exclaimed, “literally, they just popped out of thin air.”

Evidently Speedeez was offering a discount on drinks to anyone dressed like a leprechaun.

“I don’t know how they heard about our special all the way over in Ireland,” one of the bartenders questioned.

“We’re Leprechauns, not gnomes–we know how to use the internet,” Blinky McKnob responded disgustedly.

“You’d think having a bar full of leprechauns on St. Patrick’s Day would be a boon…but then they started drinking,” the establishment’s manager said. “We’re out of Guinness. We’re out of Baileys. We’re out of almost everything; it turns out they’ll drink most anything except scotch–something about the Scottish House of Stuart and a war in 1644. They won’t drink scotch, but they will urinate on it–those leprechauns certainly can hold a grudge.”

“Did you know Leprechauns have green pee?” One of the bartenders asked. “Well, neither did I before today. And they keep trying to pay with gold,” she said as held up a piece of gold, “how the @$#% am I supposed to make change for this?”

“Yeah, they got really drunk and started griping about what a sellout pussy the Lucky Charms leprechaun is,” one of the regular patrons said. “Then tempers really flared when another regular known as Poe referred to the leprechauns as fairies. One of the leprechauns waved his hand, said something in Gaelic and Poe just disappeared.

“It’s not really a big loss,” one of the bartenders said as she chuckled.

“I think next year we’ll just have green beer,” the manager said in exasperation.

idiotprufs, luck the leprechaun

The sellout Leprechaun himself.

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Erin Go Bankrupt

leprachaun

Tweedle McBumpers before the scandle.

In a tragic tale of misplaced trust and greed, a number of leprechauns from County Kerry, Ireland have lost their life savings to an elaborate Ponzi scheme.

While most of the leprechauns have declined to comment, one leprechaun, Tweedle McBumpers, has decided to open up about the events. “It’s tragic,” Tweedle said fighting back anger. “Most of us have lost everything. No more gold. No more pot to keep it in. You know that old phrase ‘he doesn’t have a pot to crap in’? Well that’s us. There’s nothing at the end of this leprechaun’s rainbow but despair and big vacant spot where a pot of gold should be.”

tree in irleand

The sad empty spot where Tweedle kept his pot of gold.

The culprit behind the fraud was a smooth talking leprechaun named Moneybags Potfiller. Evidently Moneybags claimed to be investing in land on the east coast of Ireland, earmarked for a golf course and resort.

When several of the leprechauns ventured to the location of the future resort to check on their investment, they found nothing but an old farmhouse owned by the widow Margaret O’Malley.

She shooed them away with a broom.

“The whole thing is just so heartbreaking,” Tweedle said, “but I guess with a name like Moneybags Potfiller, we should have seen it coming.”

leprachaun sunglasses

Moneybags Potfiller living it up on his ill-gotten gold.

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