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idiotprufs

the blog that made the pope laugh so hard he peed himself.

Archive for the tag “crime”

Man Claims Ghost Planted Drugs Found in Home


police man

A man in Louisiana was arrested after police arrived at his home in response to a purported assault. The man, cops say, had called 911 to claim that he had been “stabbed on the head by an axe.”

When officers arrived at the man’s West Monroe home, they determined that he was not suffering from any axe wounds (he did have a fairly nasty papercut and those can be really painful). Cops did, however, spot in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine.

According to the man, a ghost may have put it there.

Is it not patently obvious what is happening here: this poor man is being haunted by an apparition that not only stabs him on the head with an axe, but also plants drugs and drug paraphernalia in his home. I also suspect that troublemaking ghost had something to do with that nasty paper cut.

“It’s ridiculous,” one of the responding officers commented, “you can’t stab someone with an axe; you chop someone with an axe. You can pretty much hack a person to bits if you have a good axe…all in all this was a disappointing crime scene.”

Quizzed by cops, the man said that “a ghost or intruders” planted the drugs before climbing out a bedroom window. This claim, investigators determined, “was not accurate.”

“Climbing out windows is not normal modus operandi for ghosts,” the officer said, “they tend walk through walls or disappear into an ethereal mist…this was a very disappointing crime scene.”

The man was charged with narcotics possession and making a false report to police.

The ghost has yet to be located, but the police are still looking.

casper

Be on the lookout for this ghost. He’s white, translucent, and is purported to be friendly.

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Erin Go Bankrupt

leprachaun

Tweedle McBumpers before the scandle.

In a tragic tale of misplaced trust and greed, a number of leprechauns from County Kerry, Ireland have lost their life savings to an elaborate Ponzi scheme.

While most of the leprechauns have declined to comment, one leprechaun, Tweedle McBumpers, has decided to open up about the events. “It’s tragic,” Tweedle said fighting back anger. “Most of us have lost everything. No more gold. No more pot to keep it in. You know that old phrase ‘he doesn’t have a pot to crap in’? Well that’s us. There’s nothing at the end of this leprechaun’s rainbow but despair and big vacant spot where a pot of gold should be.”

tree in irleand

The sad empty spot where Tweedle kept his pot of gold.

The culprit behind the fraud was a smooth talking leprechaun named Moneybags Potfiller. Evidently Moneybags claimed to be investing in land on the east coast of Ireland, earmarked for a golf course and resort.

When several of the leprechauns ventured to the location of the future resort to check on their investment, they found nothing but an old farmhouse owned by the widow Margaret O’Malley.

She shooed them away with a broom.

“The whole thing is just so heartbreaking,” Tweedle said, “but I guess with a name like Moneybags Potfiller, we should have seen it coming.”

leprachaun sunglasses

Moneybags Potfiller living it up on his ill-gotten gold.

It’s Criminal

mimes

I robbed a bunch of mimes at knifepoint and got away with it–none of them talked.

(I was actually miming a carrot, but they thought it was a knife–stupid mimes.)

 

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