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Archive for the tag “news”

City Council Chambers to add Boxing Ring — gooferie

Following a recent near dust-up between City Councilman Mel Witherspoon and a citizen, Erie City Council held an emergency session and voted 6-0, with one abstention, to add a regulation size boxing ring to council chambers. To make room for the ring, council will be removing 30 seats which are never occupied anyway for meetings. […]

via City Council Chambers to add Boxing Ring — gooferie

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Erie County Drug Raid Takes 0.12% of Drugs Off the Streets — gooferie

A law enforcement task force headed by the state Attorney General’s office arrested 15 people on drug charges today, and action that has removed over one tenth of one percent of all the drugs in Erie County. “Efforts like this are crucial cutting off the drug supply in Erie, to stop drugs from getting to […]

via Erie County Drug Raid Takes 0.12% of Drugs Off the Streets — gooferie

Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

DevelopDevelopErie, the agency set up to promote the economic revitalization of struggling DevelopErie, an agency set up to promote economic revitalization in struggling Erie County, has gone bankrupt, according to court documents filed yesterday. County Executive Kathy Dahlkemper issued a press release which, in its entirety, reads, “Swear to God, can’t catch a break.”

via Agency Goes Bankrupt — gooferie

New Study Reveals Last Previous Study Totally Bogus — Gerbil News Network

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. It was, said Dr. Phillip Reiff as he relaxed after dinner last night, “the biggest ‘Eureka!’ moment” of his career. “We thought the science in this area was fairly well-established,” he tells this reporter as he finishes a glass of Malbec, then orders a double espresso and a slice of cheesecake from a waitress at […]

via New Study Reveals Last Previous Study Totally Bogus — Gerbil News Network

Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

THE DEAD CONTINUE TO COME BACK TO LIFE: IT’S WEEK TWO OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. ORIGINAL HEADLINES ARE GETTING TRICKY, OKAY? by Ed Manwalking The dead have been coming back to life for just over a week and, already, civilisation is beginning to crumble. Nerds of all types have ground entire cities to a […]

via Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —

Zoo Guy Emerges From Hibernation — gooferie

Erie “Zoo Guy” Scott Mitchell has emerged from his months-long hibernation just in time to oversee the zoo’s spring re-opening. “I’m fully rested and ready to go” said Mitchell as he emerged from the red panda exhibit where he spent the last three months. Mitchell admits that there were some breaks in his hibernation, as […]

via Zoo Guy Emerges From Hibernation — gooferie

Erie School District to Arm Teachers with Lacrosse Sticks — gooferie

Inspired by the Millcreek School District’s decision to issue miniature baseball bats to its teachers, the Erie School District is now providing lacrosse sticks to its teachers for classroom defense. “We saw what Millcreek did, and we are taking it a step further,” said ESD spokesperson Kate Schellenbach. “Baseball bats are OK, but we feel […]

via Erie School District to Arm Teachers with Lacrosse Sticks — gooferie

Erie Baseball Mascot C. Wolf Shot by Overzealous Hunter — gooferie

Erie SeaWolves mascot C. Wolf is resting comfortably tonight after being shot while making a promotional appearance in West Springfield. Mr. Wolf was posing for a photograph near a wooded area off Route 20 when a single shot, fired by hunter Hunter Danovitch, grazed his tail. Mr. Wolf immediately returned fire with his T-shirt gun, […]

via Erie Baseball Mascot C. Wolf Shot by Overzealous Hunter — gooferie

Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

Presque Isle Downs and Casino announced today that a blackjack dealer broke his leg during a game and had to be humanely euthanized. The dealer slipped on an errant ice cube and fractured his ankle, necessitating the on-call medical staff to erect a curtain behind which the employee was put down to end his suffering. […]

via Casino Worker Breaks Ankle; Is Euthanized — gooferie

PennDOT Confirms Using Explosives to Fix Road

Pennsylvania pot holes

This stretch of road seems oddly smooth.

Erie, Pennsylvania–Officials from PennDOT have confirmed the explosions heard emanating from the Route 5 area of North East, Pennsylvania were in fact a road crew working on a stretch of the road between the towns of North East and Harborcreek.

It seems the road crew was employing dynamite to blow a gaping hole in the road; remedying the fact that there wasn’t a gaping hole in the road.

Evidently a PennDOT official had been traveling along Route 5 when he realized there was a stretch of road nearly 50 yards long without any potholes. “I was driving along when I realized the typical rumbling and shaking that comes from traversing Pennsylvania roadways had stop for several seconds…it was very disconcerting.”

The stretch of roadway fell far below PennDOT standards that require at least 39% of any 100 foot stretch of Pennsylvania roadway contain potholes, debris, drunken hobos, or strategically placed orange cones that guide motorist into a pond.

Upon discovering the problem, PennDOT moved with the efficiency and swiftness for which it is renown and dispatched a road crew within a year and a half.

“Sure, we could have put small holes throughout that stretch of road, but that’s a lot of work,” the foreman of the road crew said. “We decided to go with one big hole in the middle.”

“Blowing **** up is fun,” one the crew members, Don “eight fingers” Smith commented.

The section of Route 5 in question is now completely impassable.

PennDOT suggests if you find yourself traveling along this stretch of road, take care to follow the detour signs and orange cones–they lead you into a pond.

PennDot road crew

“I told you we should have used dynamite.”

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