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Archive for the tag “news”

Today in Weird Science News: The Sarcophagus is a Letdown, Your Early Memories May Be Fake, and Ancient Dude Thought Getting Laid Saved Lives — Stellar Sarcasm

If you’re like me, you were probably excited to hear an ancient sarcophagus had been found in Alexandria, Egypt. I mean, according to all the movies I’ve ever seen on the subject, this should introduce us to an ancient curse or a mummy zombie—hey, there’s a new category of TV shows for you—or maybe something […]

via Today in Weird Science News: The Sarcophagus is a Letdown, Your Early Memories May Be Fake, and Ancient Dude Thought Getting Laid Saved Lives — Stellar Sarcasm

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Downtown B.O. Levels Expected to Spike on Friday — gooferie

Officials are cautioning that the level of body odor in the air downtown will spike at a record or near record level this Friday. Dr. Meghan Ansell, a biologist at Gannon University, has been providing body odor air quality levels for various zones in Erie for the past five years. “We measure body odor in […]

via Downtown B.O. Levels Expected to Spike on Friday — gooferie

VEN Server Hacked By Russians! — VERY ERSATZ NEWS

via VEN Server Hacked By Russians! — VERY ERSATZ NEWS

Smith’s Unveils New Product — gooferie

Smith’s Provisions, longtime purveyor of meat products for the Erie area, has announced that it is adding organic tofu to their list of products available for purchase. The tofu made its debut at the new Erie County Farms last week, prompting long time Smith’s customer Neil Osbourne to declare, “What the hell is THAT?” as […]

via Smith’s Unveils New Product — gooferie

Boy Finally Wakes up from Coma Once Somebody Thinks to Ask Him if He Wants to See a Funny Meme — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

Memes save lives. 17-year-old Nate Masterson can attest to that. Though he stood outside death’s door for a while, he found the will to live all because of a meme. “I was lying in a coma. Not feeling anything. You know, comatose. And then, I just sensed something… wonderful. Something exquisite. Something GLORIOUS! All of […]

via Boy Finally Wakes up from Coma Once Somebody Thinks to Ask Him if He Wants to See a Funny Meme — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

City: Only Three of the Eight Great Tuesdays Will Actually be Great — gooferie

City officials are cautioning residents to not get their hopes up for this season’s Eight Great Tuesdays as they have announced that only three of the affairs will be of high enough quality to truly be deemed “great.” “Three of them are going to great, no doubt,” according to spokesperson Belinda Butcher. “Additionally, two others […]

via City: Only Three of the Eight Great Tuesdays Will Actually be Great — gooferie

Luckiest man in Pompeii loses head as he wins the local big money lottery — Bull of the Board

Pompeii man found to be luckiest man in the world to have ever lived.

via Luckiest man in Pompeii loses head as he wins the local big money lottery — Bull of the Board

TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

In an experiment at MIT mice fed yogurt as compared to junk food developed luxuriantly thicker fur and bigger testicles that they projected outwards, giving them an air of “mouse swagger.” Scientific American It’s Friday night and, like every other mouse in the lab, I’m cruisin’ the scene–TGIF and all that. I reached […]

via TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

Farmers return to traditional pest control methods to save bees — The Daily Squabble

NO NEONICOTINOIDS in good old traditional napalm. “I am sure they are being overly cautious in banning these so-called ‘bee-harming’ pesticides,” said Much Craplock farmer, Silage Marner. 119 more words

via Farmers return to traditional pest control methods to save bees — The Daily Squabble

Lottery Mascot Gus Arrested for Indecent Exposure — gooferie

Pennsylvania Lottery spokesgroundhog Gus was arrested this afternoon in Erie for indecent exposure while filming a commercial for the lottery’s newest $30 instant game, “You Just Lost 30 Dollars!” Gus, who is always seen wearing a shirt but no pants, was taken into custody after an elderly lady happened upon the bare waisted rodent taking […]

via Lottery Mascot Gus Arrested for Indecent Exposure — gooferie

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