The Future of Policing (Fingers Crossed)
I recently happened upon this story at metro.co.uk about a citizen in Los Angeles who witnessed a brawl that was breaking out and tried to report it to a robot police officer:
“Cogo Guebara rushed over to the motorized police officer and pushed its emergency alert button on seeing the brawl break out in Salt Lake Park, Los Angeles, last month.
But instead of offering assistance, the egg-shaped robot, whose official name is HP RoboCop, barked at Guebara to ‘Step out of the way’.
To add insult to injury, the high-tech device then rolled away while humming an ‘intergalactic tune’, pausing periodically to say ‘Please keep the park clean.’”
Isn’t that awesome?
The person who programmed the robot is either tragically incompetent or a genius.
I choose to believe that person is a genius.
I have no idea what ‘intergalactic tune’ the robot was humming. I can only hope it was the theme song from Cops: “bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?”
Commit their crimes around HP Robocop, that’s what bad boys are gonna do.
HP Robocop is going to ignore the crime being committed and tase the concerned citizen reporting the crime. I envision the concerned citizen lying on the ground in puddle of their own drool and urine as HP Robocop rolls away humming the tune to Shock the Monkey.
At least that’s my hope.
Do I actually hope an innocent person gets tased?
Yes. Yes I do.
I’m only assuming HP Robocop is armed with a taser, but I don’t want to live in a world where HP Robocop isn’t armed with a taser. I also hope he’s programmed to aim for the groin.
There have also been reports of a second HP Robocop running into a child and a third HP Robocop falling into a fountain.
It just keeps getting better!
We need armies of HP Robocops in every community.
After scouring the local news reports here in Jamestown, NY, I found exactly zero stories about a child being runover by a robot or about a robot falling into a fountain.
I didn’t find a single story involving a robot police officer tasing someone in the groin.
It’s like I’m living in a third world country.
I just watched the latest press conference with Governor Hochul: there wasn’t a single mention of HP Robocop, it was just a big wad of useless political gibberish.
The Governor is wasting all this time on gun control when she could be bringing us HP Robocop.
Sure, HP Robocop probably wouldn’t stop any crime and he might even exacerbate the crime, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.
It’s time to get a ballot initiative going.
It’s time to bring HP Robocop to every community.