I Would Wish That on My Worst Enemy
Imagine you’re listening to the following story:
So Ron was just standing there, and suddenly this llama bursts out of the brush, ran right past the whole group of us, and bit Ron on the testicles. It was like the llama singled him out. I mean, Ron is a giant prick, but how would the llama know that?
Now the llama is just shaking Ron by his crotch, and Ron is screeching in agony because that llama had some nasty jagged teeth. So then the llama lets go of Ron’s crotch, and it turns around really quickly, so we’re all thinking it’s over and the llama’s just going to run away, but instead, it kicks Ron in the face. Now Ron has nasty jagged teeth too.
At this point, Ron’s just lying there on the ground in a crumpled, whimpering mass, and the llama stands over him and pees on him. Then the llama just gallops away and back into the brush like it’s proud of itself.
Then someone exclaims, “holy shit, why is there even a llama running around Jamestown, New York?”
The person punctuates the story by saying, “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
But you’re thinking to yourself: I would definitely wish that on my worst enemy. I’m a little bit it happened to Ron.
You giggle a bit as you imagine it happening to your worst enemy.
Then you start to think: I wonder if I could find that same llama and make it happen to my worst enemy.
It can’t be that hard to find: a stray llama in Jamestown, New York.
Then you start wondering why the word llama is spelled with two l’s at the beginning, but you quickly refocus to planning a llama attack upon your worst enemy.
You could record it and put it on YouTube; that would be awesome! Now you’re starting to get a little excited at the prospect of your worst enemy being the victim of a vicious llama attack.
You realize there’s almost nothing you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy.
You’ve wished bad things on people who mildly annoy you. Like that time you got stuck on an elevator with that mime; no invisible wall will stop a kick to the face from a llama, you stupid mime.
You giggle a little, imagining it.
You start wondering if the whole llama thing with Ron wasn’t planned all along; Ron really is a prick.
Now you’re wondering if you’re a terrible person.
Then you stop wondering things because you’ve got a llama to find.