Local Spider has Altercation with Girl
“It was horrifying,” the victim said, pausing to catch his breath, “it was probably the single most horrifying thing that’s ever happened to me.”
It seems Mr. Chadwick P. Arachnid was innocently spinning his web when a Miss Muffet began creating a disturbance.
“She was screaming hysterically and waving her arms around like a crazy person,” Mr. Arachnid said. “Then she threw a bowl at me. Now my web is filled with curds and whey; it’s completely ruined the dead flies I had stored there.”
Miss Muffet claims it was Mr. Arachnid who frightened her. “That ugly thing scared me so badly I fell off my tuffet,” Miss Muffet told us.
“I’m ugly?” Mr. Arachnid said in disgust. “I thought that screaming giant pink bulbous face of hers was the last thing I was ever going see…and what the hell is a tuffet anyway?”
The authorities have cautioned Miss Muffet and Mr. Arachnid to keep their distance from each other.
“No one has to tell Little Miss Muffet to stay away from that awful thing,” Miss Muffet asserted.
“Did that gargantuan thing refer to herself as little,” Mr. Arachnid said in disbelief. “She should call herself Behemoth Miss Muffet.”
It took several officers to restrain Miss Muffet after she came after Mr. Arachnid with a rolled-up newspaper.
Mr. Arachnid survived the attack but is recuperating with three broken legs.