A Tiny Kingdom in a Faraway Land–“It’s an outrage,” an agitated Drizella told us as she fumbled with her extra wide orthopedic shoes for bunions. “It’s a clear and undeniable case of foot shaming.”
It seems the trouble started when Prince Charming began scouring the kingdom in search of a singular woman whose foot would fit into a glass slipper left behind at a recent ball.
“Real women have real feet,” Drizella’s sister Anastasia said. “That pompous Prince Charming shows up at our door with this tiny little slipper made of glass and you’re not good enough for him unless your foot fits into this ridiculous little shoe; if you have feet like a normal woman you’re automatically rejected. That’s hardly ‘charming’ behavior.”
“And glass footwear can’t possibly be safe,” Drizella added.
The sisters argue it’s sexist and demeaning to reduce a woman’s worth to her foot size.
“They’re just jealous because the glass slipper fit on the foot of their step-sister, Cinderella,” Prince Charming said.
“She’s nothing but lowly scullery maid,” Drizella shouted, “why should she get the prince just because she has dainty feet.”
“Cinderella does have dainty feet,” the prince conceded. “She also has perfect skin, flaxen hair, and a heart of gold. And unlike her step-sisters, she doesn’t have a blackened soul, a vicious mean streak, a crazily disturbing amount of warts, an infestation of genital chiggers, and breath that could kill a dragon.”
“It’s called halitosis and it’s a medical condition,” Drizella said defending herself.
The sisters have hired a barrister and plan to launch a lawsuit against the prince for discriminatory practices.
“I guess they’re forgetting how an oppressive feudal system works,” the prince said as he chuckled to himself, “I’m a prince; I do whatever the hell I want.”
Cinderella couldn’t be reached for comment; she is currently in negotiations to launch her own brand of glass footwear called Cinderella Crossfits.