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The Mysterious Case of the Vanishing Big Mac


The trip was brief.

The controversy has endured.

Four Big Macs were purchased. Four Big Macs were present in the take-out bag. Four Big Macs were removed from the take-out bag. One person claims to have never gotten a Big Mac. Three others claim to have eaten only one Big Mac apiece.

Accusations have flown. Accusations still fly.

That fateful night:

The names have been changed to…screw it, these are the actual names.

Lance: Give me my Big Mac.

Matt: You ate it.

Lance: No I didn’t.

Matt: Yes you did.

Lance: I think I would remember eating a Big Mac.

Matt: Evidently you don’t.

Lance: Hey Al, you ate my Big Mac didn’t you?

Al: (Al grunts something inaudibly as he consumes his Big Mac, and drools on himself.)

Me: Well I didn’t eat it.

Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac!

An hour later, sitting on Matt’s front porch.

Lance: I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.

Matt: You ate the Big Mac!

Lance: Look at me, I have no sesame seeds on me. If had eaten a Big Mac, I would have sesame seeds all over me.

Me: Maybe the seeds fell off.

Lance: What about the lettuce? What about the secret sauce? There’s not a drop of secret sauce on my face…I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.

Years later:

Lance: Remember that night you guys ate my Big Mac.

Matt: YOU ate the Big Mac!

Still more years later:

Lance: I really wanted that Big Mac that you guys ate that night.

Matt: (Says nothing in an act of silent frustration.)

More recently:

Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac that night.

Matt via email: There’s no dispute, Lance wolfed it down in two bites.

Lance: That’s not how it went down.

Like Amelia Earhart’s strange disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle; the years have offered no answers, only more questions.

So if you’re ever traveling on that mysterious stretch of road, and you have take-out, be wary.

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19 thoughts on “The Mysterious Case of the Vanishing Big Mac

  1. They make an even bigger version now. What if everyone involved in the first incident chipped in and bought you one of those? Compensation with no admission of guilt, and the cost is spread out evenly among all four involved parties. Would that satisfy?

    Or do you want fries with that?


  2. Haven’t had one in a long time.


  3. drdrog8 on said:

    I have kind of the same story, only it was 4 salads in the bag. They are still there. Should have bought Big Macs. Salad sucks.


  4. May the hamburglar be “caught”😉


  5. Thanks for the hint. Next time I travel through this treacherous stretch of road, I’m getting one extra large pizza.


  6. Viva La Hamburgler!


  7. Snorts. I admit it. *I* ate the Big Mac. I came into your house like the silent ninja piggy I can be and woofed it down. You never saw me because I’m black like the night and silent. I might have snorted once momentarily but I think ya’ll thought Lance farted. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Catch me if you can. XOXO – Bacon

    Liked by 1 person

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