The Mysterious Case of the Vanishing Big Mac
The trip was brief.
The controversy has endured.
Four Big Macs were purchased. Four Big Macs were present in the take-out bag. Four Big Macs were removed from the take-out bag. One person claims to have never gotten a Big Mac. Three others claim to have eaten only one Big Mac apiece.
Accusations have flown. Accusations still fly.
That fateful night:
The names have been changed to…screw it, these are the actual names.
Lance: Give me my Big Mac.
Matt: You ate it.
Lance: No I didn’t.
Matt: Yes you did.
Lance: I think I would remember eating a Big Mac.
Matt: Evidently you don’t.
Lance: Hey Al, you ate my Big Mac didn’t you?
Al: (Al grunts something inaudibly as he consumes his Big Mac, and drools on himself.)
Me: Well I didn’t eat it.
Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac!
An hour later, sitting on Matt’s front porch.
Lance: I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.
Matt: You ate the Big Mac!
Lance: Look at me, I have no sesame seeds on me. If had eaten a Big Mac, I would have sesame seeds all over me.
Me: Maybe the seeds fell off.
Lance: What about the lettuce? What about the secret sauce? There’s not a drop of secret sauce on my face…I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.
Lance: Remember that night you guys ate my Big Mac.
Matt: YOU ate the Big Mac!
Still more years later:
Lance: I really wanted that Big Mac that you guys ate that night.
Matt: (Says nothing in an act of silent frustration.)
Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac that night.
Matt via email: There’s no dispute, Lance wolfed it down in two bites.
Lance: That’s not how it went down.
Like Amelia Earhart’s strange disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle; the years have offered no answers, only more questions.
So if you’re ever traveling on that mysterious stretch of road, and you have take-out, be wary.