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idiotprufs

the blog that made the pope laugh so hard he peed himself.

Archive for the category “health”

Names and Other Temporary Things


wrong tattoo

A mother’s effort to honor her young children went terribly wrong when the tattoo she got of her son’s name was spelled incorrectly — so she took what some might call an unusual approach. Fortunately her friends and family convinced her not to have her armed amputated, but to rename her son after the tattoo.

“Kevin,” the two-year-old son of Johanna Sandstrom, of Sweden, was renamed “Kelvin” after a tattoo artist inked the wrong name on her arm.

Sandstrom’s tattoo read: Nova & Kelvin which was clearly a mistake.

“I had never heard the name ‘Kelvin’ before,” she said. “There isn’t anyone who names their kid Kelvin; lots of people name their kids Fahrenheit or Celsius, but never Kelvin. So when I thought more about it, I realized that no one else has this name. It became unique. Now we think it is better than Kevin.”

It also seemed a lucky stroke for Sandstrom’s daughter, whose name was changed from Ass-faced Hag to Nova, following the erroneous tattoo.

When asked to explain the mistake, the Swedish tattoo artist simply said, “in my previous job I wrote the assembly instructions for Ikea products; I was bound to screw this up incomprehensibly.”

Sandstrom told the newspaper she’ll make sure to check “10,000 times” before she gets the name of her third child, Freja, tattooed.

“Or maybe I’ll just get a skull with a snake slithering through it’s eye socket,” she added, “it’s 50/50 right now.”

skull tattoo

This was supposed to read, Freja.

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Luckiest man in Pompeii loses head as he wins the local big money lottery — Bull of the Board

Pompeii man found to be luckiest man in the world to have ever lived.

via Luckiest man in Pompeii loses head as he wins the local big money lottery — Bull of the Board

Woman Who Checks All 52 Boxes on Man’s List of Female Ideals Rejected After Shocking New Development Reveals She is Imaginary — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

Despite going on 77 dates in three years, long-time bachelor Tom Avery has yet to find a woman that meets his specifications. While his close friends suggest it might be helpful to eliminate a few of the requirements he has for his future wife, he maintains that all 52 of them are absolutely necessary. Since […]

via Woman Who Checks All 52 Boxes on Man’s List of Female Ideals Rejected After Shocking New Development Reveals She is Imaginary — Natalie Mepham: Writer, Dreamer, Loud Gum Chewer

TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

In an experiment at MIT mice fed yogurt as compared to junk food developed luxuriantly thicker fur and bigger testicles that they projected outwards, giving them an air of “mouse swagger.” Scientific American It’s Friday night and, like every other mouse in the lab, I’m cruisin’ the scene–TGIF and all that. I reached […]

via TGIF With a Big-Balled Yogurt-Eating Mouse — Gerbil News Network

Farmers return to traditional pest control methods to save bees — The Daily Squabble

NO NEONICOTINOIDS in good old traditional napalm. “I am sure they are being overly cautious in banning these so-called ‘bee-harming’ pesticides,” said Much Craplock farmer, Silage Marner. 119 more words

via Farmers return to traditional pest control methods to save bees — The Daily Squabble

The Mysterious Case of the Vanishing Big Mac

mystery

The trip was brief.

The controversy has endured.

Four Big Macs were purchased. Four Big Macs were present in the take-out bag. Four Big Macs were removed from the take-out bag. One person claims to have never gotten a Big Mac. Three others claim to have eaten only one Big Mac apiece.

Accusations have flown. Accusations still fly.

That fateful night:

The names have been changed to…screw it, these are the actual names.

Lance: Give me my Big Mac.

Matt: You ate it.

Lance: No I didn’t.

Matt: Yes you did.

Lance: I think I would remember eating a Big Mac.

Matt: Evidently you don’t.

Lance: Hey Al, you ate my Big Mac didn’t you?

Al: (Al grunts something inaudibly as he consumes his Big Mac, and drools on himself.)

Me: Well I didn’t eat it.

Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac!

An hour later, sitting on Matt’s front porch.

Lance: I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.

Matt: You ate the Big Mac!

Lance: Look at me, I have no sesame seeds on me. If had eaten a Big Mac, I would have sesame seeds all over me.

Me: Maybe the seeds fell off.

Lance: What about the lettuce? What about the secret sauce? There’s not a drop of secret sauce on my face…I can’t believe you guys ate my Big Mac.

Years later:

Lance: Remember that night you guys ate my Big Mac.

Matt: YOU ate the Big Mac!

Still more years later:

Lance: I really wanted that Big Mac that you guys ate that night.

Matt: (Says nothing in an act of silent frustration.)

More recently:

Lance: One of you ate my Big Mac that night.

Matt via email: There’s no dispute, Lance wolfed it down in two bites.

Lance: That’s not how it went down.

Like Amelia Earhart’s strange disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle; the years have offered no answers, only more questions.

So if you’re ever traveling on that mysterious stretch of road, and you have take-out, be wary.

[satire] CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Joins Gang, Falls Into Life of Crime After Hair Gets Too Long — The Paper Wolf

Cry Wolf Satirical News (COVINGTON, La.) St. Paul’s School is well-known for its haircut policy requiring any student whose hair grows past a certain length to cut it, as well as shave any facial hair they have, or face disciplinary action. A St. Paul’s student has reportedly joined a gang and fallen into a […]

via [satire] CRY WOLF: St. Paul’s Student Joins Gang, Falls Into Life of Crime After Hair Gets Too Long — The Paper Wolf

Oops! Dentist Puts GPS Tracking Device In Woman’s Filling “By Mistake” — VERY ERSATZ NEWS

via Oops! Dentist Puts GPS Tracking Device In Woman’s Filling “By Mistake” — VERY ERSATZ NEWS

Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

QUIRKY little motor not exactly attracting mates. Gavin Rowlocks, a Fiat Panda owner, has been very disappointed by the level of female desire his vehicle arouses. “I thought women loved cute creatures,” complained Gavin. “How can they resist a car that resembles an endangered giant bear from behind – right down to its adorable ear-like […]

via Fiat Panda driver discovers he’s very unlikely to breed — The Daily Squabble

Not talking to each other key to resolving marital conflicts — The Bald Beagle

Calling each other “irrational” and “annoying,” potato farmer Tom Bruise and his wife Lucy quickly resolved all marital conflicts by not talking to each other. “It totally works,” said Bruise. “Ever since we resolved to shut our respective traps, I’ve been angrily washing the dishes while she texts her friends, and we get along just […]

via Not talking to each other key to resolving marital conflicts — The Bald Beagle

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