This Christmas Give the Gift of the Rutabaga
It’s Christmastime again: the perfect opportunity to brighten the spirits of a loved one with the gift of the rutabaga.
What’s so special about the rutabaga you may ponder–what isn’t so special about the rutabaga is my response.
- They can be roasted.
- They can be baked.
- They can be boiled as a flavor enhancer in soups.
- They can be boiled as a flavour enhancer in soups in Great Britain. (You wouldn’t believe how much tastier the soup is with that extra U in the word flavour.)
- They can be thinly julienned as a side dish, in a salad, or as a garnish.
- They can be thinly julienned and used to clean up oil spills in the driveway.
- They can be mashed into a paste and used to degrease engines.
- They can be mashed into a paste and used as a beautifying face cream. (It won’t make you more attractive, but it will cover your face–which if you’re being honest, is the problem.)
- You can make rutabaga ice cream.
- You can make a rudimentary boiled rutabaga stew that was a staple of famine-ridden Europe during the war and pretend you’re living in famine-ridden Europe during the war…because pretending is fun.
- You can chuck them at the heads of people you don’t like.
- You can chuck them at the heads of people you’re ambivalent about.
- You can chuck them at the heads of people you do like. (The thunk of a rutabaga bouncing off a human skull is surprisingly satisfying regardless of the target.)
- You can fill your child’s stocking with them. (But ensure they’re fresh; they can attract flies.)
- You can use them to attract flies.
- You can carve them into lanterns as was the old Irish tradition.
- You can carve them into lanterns and chuck them at people’s heads. (Hopefully the beginnings of a new tradition.)
- And finally, you can make the traditional Finnish Christmas dish Lanttulaatikko.
Addendum: Don’t make rutabaga ice cream–it sucks.