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idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Archive for the day “February 11, 2018”

Trouble Brewing for Hades

Disney hades

Hades faces questions of inequity in the underworld.

Underworld–Tensions are rising as unrest is brewing in the Underworld. It seems many are upset over the horrible conditions and perceived inequities.

“Conditions here are just dreadful,” said Sisyphus-one of the more vocal in his protests-straining to talk as he pushed a boulder up a steep hill. “I push this boulder all the way to the top of the hill and then do you know what happens: the boulder just rolls right back to the bottom of the hill and have to push to the top again. It’s what I do: push this boulder up this hill for all eternity…I’ve had to pee for 468 years now.”

“It’s a punishment,” an indignant Hades replied. “Sisyphus was a dreadful person in life; he was a liar, a cheat, a thief, and a murderer. When he first got here, he convinced my lovely and trusting wife Persephone to allow him to return home for three days. He told her he would come right back–he didn’t. Do you know the headache that caused for me…and the extra paperwork.”

“It’s just not fair,” said Hector a denizen of Tartarus, “here in Tartarus it’s all cold, damp, creepy, and there’s spiders everywhere. And they make us do pointless tasks all day–did see Sisyphus and his boulder? Meanwhile over in Elysium it’s all sunshine, picnics, and fields full of flowers…there’s no spiders there.”

“The people in Elysium lived good productive lives,” Hades explained, “the people in Tartarus were lying, slandering, thieving, murderers, many of whom also drove their chariots slowly in the fast lane just to piss people off.”

“I just bring them over the river Styx,” Charon said when asked to comment. “What happens to them when they get here is all Hades.”

“Pass-the-buck-Charon I call him,” Hades said tersely.

“I saw Hercules here the other day,” Hector complained, “he just comes and goes as he pleases; I guess when you’re the illegitimate son of the almighty Zeus you can do whatever you want.”

Hector was immediately struck by a bolt of lightning and attacked by spiders.

“I feel badly for the people stuck in Tartarus,” said the poet Orpheus, a resident of Elysium. “Expect for Hector–he’s a jackass.”

tulips

Elysium–note the lack of spiders.

 

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Ice Dune Playground Opens at Presque Isle

gooferie

FinalIcedunePlaygroundOfficials at Presque Isle State Park have announced the opening of an ice dune playground, adding to the winter activities at the park.

“We just got sick of telling people to stay off the ice dunes,” said park official Peter Bramall. “So, we decided to let these imbeci- uh, I mean, park visitors enjoy them.”

The playground spans the three largest ice dunes on Beach 1. The tallest dune will be open for climbing as well.

“My parents wouldn’t let me play on the ice dunes when I was a child,” said Erie resident James Murphy. “Well,  I’m not going to deny my kids the opportunity to climb all over these majestic frozen peaks.”

In addition, an out of town vendor will have a food tent to sell gazpacho, ice cream, and cold drinks.

As Murphy stood in line at the gazpacho tent; far from where his kids were playing…

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