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idiotprufs

the blog that made the pope laugh so hard he peed himself.

Archive for the day “February 7, 2018”

Medusa Banned From Hair Salon

medusaIsland of Sarpedon–Athena, the proprietor of Athena’s Hair, Nails, and Greek Yogurt Temple, has caused a stir by refusing to serve one of her most loyal customers.

“I’ve been going to Athena’s Temple for years now,” a distraught Medusa commented. “Suddenly it seems that my presence is a problem.”

“When Medusa and her sisters Stheno and Euryale would stop by it was delightful,” Athena said. “They were all so easy to deal with, especially Medusa; she had flowing locks of golden hair with nary a split end–things are different now.”

“I got involved with Poseidon, became pregnant and my body went through a few changes–is that so horrible?” Medusa demanded.

“A few changes?” Athena responded indignantly. “Her hair was transformed into a writhing mass of hissing venomous snakes…and some of them are really mean. And that’ not the worst of it: her face is so hideous, merely gazing upon it turns a person to stone.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say about a person,” Medusa replied when informed of Athena’s statement.

“Did you notice all those statues I have in front of the Temple?” Athena replied, “They’re all former employees; do you have any idea what that does to your insurance?”

“I don’t know what I’ll do now that I can’t go to Athena’s,” Medusa lamented.

“There’s a reptile farm down the street,” Athena recommended.

“That’s so very hurtful,” Medusa said as she wiped a tear from one the serpents eyes.

antidote

“You shouldn’t have to keep so much snake anti-venom on stock just to run a hair salon,” Athena stated.

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Philadelphia: This is Why You Can’t Have Nice Things

A few weeks ago I implored the fans of the Philadelphia Eagles to stop celebrating Eagles’ victories by punching police horses.

Good news: The Eagles won the Super Bowl and nobody punched a police horse!

However, one exuberant Eagles fan celebrated by eating horse excrement.

Stop and let that sink in for a moment.

eagles fan eats shit

Randall Cunningham must be so proud his jersey is being worn by such a stalwart of humanity.

I apologize heartily for the next photograph.

eating horse crap

Look how happy everyone is.

This made me consider the manner in which I might celebrate a joyous occasion. So I made a list; eating horse excrement off the ground ranked 11,987,344th out of 11,987,345.

Using a nail gun to attach my testicles to a telephone pole was the only thing that ranked below it.

Hey Philadelphia: this is why you can’t have nice things.

 

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