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Philadelphia: This is Why You Can’t Have Nice Things

A few weeks ago I implored the fans of the Philadelphia Eagles to stop celebrating Eagles’ victories by punching police horses.

Good news: The Eagles won the Super Bowl and nobody punched a police horse!

However, one exuberant Eagles fan celebrated by eating horse excrement.

Stop and let that sink in for a moment.

eagles fan eats shit

Randall Cunningham must be so proud his jersey is being worn by such a stalwart of humanity.

I apologize heartily for the next photograph.

eating horse crap

Look how happy everyone is.

This made me consider the manner in which I might celebrate a joyous occasion. So I made a list; eating horse excrement off the ground ranked 11,987,344th out of 11,987,345.

Using a nail gun to attach my testicles to a telephone pole was the only thing that ranked below it.

Hey Philadelphia: this is why you can’t have nice things.


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7 thoughts on “Philadelphia: This is Why You Can’t Have Nice Things

  1. I’m not a male but I can guess from how my hubby screams when I kick him in the testicles that it should should rank 1st. The Horse poop is only “Hay & Oats”, served warm! Quit being a woose!


  2. How do you find this stuff?


  3. To be fair, the only reason they didn’t punch police horses is that none were available; instead, they were tipping police cars and riding a police van. The footage is glorious yet stupid.


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