Where is the Toad-Licker Justice?
A close friend of Richard Mullins.
The Story
An Indiana man who was licking a toad while dancing by himself on an Indiana sidewalk is locked up after ignoring a trespass warning issued by cops, according to police.
Note: if he had a toad, surely he wasn’t dancing by himself.
La Porte Police Department officers were called to a bar when Richard Mullins, 41, refused to leave the property after being escorted outside by security. The barefoot Mullins was not allowed entry into JJ’s Side Out Bar and Grill when he would not provide bouncers with ID…also, he was licking a toad.
Richard Mullins: dance enthusiast, toad-licker, and Tchaikovsky fan.
When questioned by cops, Mullins had a “blank look on his face but no pupil dilation to suggest he was under the influence of any drugs.”
The toad had a look of simple resignation on his face.
Officers warned Mullins that if he returned to the bar’s property he would be arrested. Mullins seemed to understand the warning. “As he was dancing he would walk right up to the property line that we pointed out and then he would retreat, often by executing a perfect Grande Jete,” an officer stated. “He also had a wonderful arabesque…it was simply breathtaking.” The officer then wiped a tear from his eye.
But a few minutes after receiving the trespass warning, Mullins returned to the bar’s parking lot. When police subsequently approached Mullins, he was holding another toad. He also seemed to be performing the part of Odette from Swan Lake. Possibly a scene from act 4 where Odette has resigned herself to death. Responding officers couldn’t be certain of this, as he seemed to be performing the Mariinsky Ballet version, in which everybody knows: Odette lives happily.
Charged with misdemeanor trespassing, amphibian assault, and just acting like a weirdo, Mullins was booked into the La Porte County jail, where he is being held in advance of a June 30 court appearance.
The toads opted for separate legal counsel.
Since the police report does not identify what kind of toad Mullins was licking, it is impossible to determine the amphibian’s potential psychoactive properties or its toxicity.
The toads however were completely stoned as a result of contact with Mullins’ tongue.
The Point
When will the blatant discrimination against toad lickers stop?
For far too long toad lickers have been the targets of police brutality.
If you’re denied entrance into an establishment because of your race: discrimination!
If you’re denied entrance into an establishment because of your sexual orientation: discrimination!
If you’re denied entrance into an establishment because you’re licking a toad, barefoot, and slightly odd looking: perfectly well and fine in our backward society.
How is it anybody’s business what a grown man and his toad do together?
Where’s the Supreme Court on this issue?
Isn’t it time as a people, we give toad lickers the respect they deserve?
Thank you.
Addendum
If you’re denied entrance into an establishment because you’re Justin Bieber: well that’s pretty much just common sense.
“When I lick a toad…I forgot what I was going to say.”
idiotpruf 
Dirty rotten toad licker! The least he could do is share -😾 The cops were purrobably jealous he got there first!
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Toad-lickers are notoriously bad sharers.
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Those freaks! 😾
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Maybe it wasn’t discrimination at all. If the toads were underage, that would explain everything.
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We don’t follow your weird Canadian laws here.
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I once knew a girl named “Ima To’Dlicker”…she always had the most amazing glassy look to her eyes. At least I think that was her name, cause that’s how she introduced herself to me. I’m just guessing on how she spells her name.
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You should look her up. I’m sure she’d be up for a good time.
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The fact that he had a perfect arabesque should really be enough to let the guy go. Not many people can do that well. He deserves a few bonus points for that!
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It speaks to the brutality of police against toad-lickers.
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If he’d posted this picture on Match dot.com he’d have hit it big with the ladies. I mean who doesn’t love an avid dancer and animal enthusiast. Besides doesn’t that look just say conservative, stable, and slight to median probability he won’t kill you on the first date. Oh yeah. He’s wasting his potential out there in that parking lot with the toads.
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I’m sure your husband would understand it you strayed a bit.
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Doubtful. But sadly I’m not a good dancer and only a fair to midlin’ toad licker. We’d never make a good match.
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Twenty-five years ago a newspaper column recounted a fad that was all the all rage in the Miami area, toad licking. The toads of a certain type secrete hallucinations and make the licker ok off the rails.
It was Dave Barry’s first humor column.
So it takes some time to get get equal justice.
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Progress is slow, but I will carry the torch.
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From Miami. Loved Dave Barry. Barry knows a lot about boogers. I think the humor of Idoitproofs is of equal quality of Barry and Garrison Keillor and echoes of Mark Twain style.
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Dave Barry is my idol, actually. Wouldn’t you LOVE to get his gig? He knows a lot about poop (my topic), too. But possibly my favorite line was about the oxygen mask that comes down when the airplane suffers a rapid decrease in pressure (“You put it over your nose and mouth so the pilot can’t hear you scream.”)
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He also deters others from talking to him on planes, by fondling an ax.
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That is high praise indeed. Unfortunately I am booger challenged.
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