idiotprufs

what the hell else are you gonna do with your time?

Archive for the tag “horse crap”

Philadelphia: This is Why You Can’t Have Nice Things

A few weeks ago I implored the fans of the Philadelphia Eagles to stop celebrating Eagles’ victories by punching police horses.

Good news: The Eagles won the Super Bowl and nobody punched a police horse!

However, one exuberant Eagles fan celebrated by eating horse excrement.

Stop and let that sink in for a moment.

eagles fan eats shit

Randall Cunningham must be so proud his jersey is being worn by such a stalwart of humanity.

I apologize heartily for the next photograph.

eating horse crap

Look how happy everyone is.

This made me consider the manner in which I might celebrate a joyous occasion. So I made a list; eating horse excrement off the ground ranked 11,987,344th out of 11,987,345.

Using a nail gun to attach my testicles to a telephone pole was the only thing that ranked below it.

Hey Philadelphia: this is why you can’t have nice things.

 

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Top 15 Cameraman Gripes on the Set of Amish Mafia

The Children of the Corn--all grown up.

The Children of the Corn–all grown up.

Number 15

Horse chigger bites itch like crazy.

Number 14

The way Steve is always referring to his beard as “The Babe Magnet.”

I couldn't find a picture of Steve, so here's one of Weird Al Yankovic.

 Weird Al Yankovic doing his best impression of Steve.

Number 13

They can never remember their lines.

Number 12

How they turn everything you say into something risqué by punctuating it with, “’tis what she sayeth.”

Number 11

The way they laugh hysterically after they intentionally lead you through a pile of horse crap.

Number 10

The Amish have no idea how to make a good martini.

Number 9

Sick of hearing Amish guys use the same tired pick-up line: hey baby, doth thee need your butter churned.

Number 8

The way goats smell when they’re wet.

Number 7

The way goats smell when they’re dry.

Number 6

Those smart-ass cameramen from Jersey Shore, sarcastically griping about how hard it was filming babes in bikinis on the beach.

Number 5

The way their body oil gets in all the equipment (sorry, also from Jersey Shore).

Number 4

The way Levi’s always parading around in nothing but his “Home of a Barn-Raising boxer shorts.

What it would look like if Al Capone had been from rural Pennsylvania instead of Chicago...and if he were fictional.

What it would’ve looked like if Al Capone had been from rural Pennsylvania instead of Chicago…and if he’d been fictional.

Number 3

It gets tiresome constantly having to fight off territorial crows every time you break for lunch.

Number 2

They’re constantly rambling on about their favorite movie, Witness.

Number 1

The way they all giggle uncontrollably every time someone says they’re from Intercourse.

I wonder what the school mascot is?

I wonder what the school mascot is?

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