A few weeks ago I implored the fans of the Philadelphia Eagles to stop celebrating Eagles’ victories by punching police horses.
Good news: The Eagles won the Super Bowl and nobody punched a police horse!
However, one exuberant Eagles fan celebrated by eating horse excrement.
Stop and let that sink in for a moment.
I apologize heartily for the next photograph.
This made me consider the manner in which I might celebrate a joyous occasion. So I made a list; eating horse excrement off the ground ranked 11,987,344th out of 11,987,345.
Using a nail gun to attach my testicles to a telephone pole was the only thing that ranked below it.
Hey Philadelphia: this is why you can’t have nice things.