idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the month “February, 2018”

04 Feb 2018
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A Halftime Show I Can Get Behind

halftime sharks

Put Katy Perry in a tank with real sharks–that would be entertainment.

Justin Timberlake is preforming at halftime of the Super Bowl today–yawn.

It’s all so tiresome: people flying in from the rooftop, dancing sharks, fireworks, giant spectacular dance sequences, Janet Jackson’s exposed breast.

Actually, Janet Jackson’s exposed breast is the one interesting thing that’s happened at a halftime show in the last 20 years. Kudos to Justin Timberlake for that.

I have a few ideas for next year’s halftime show.

Justin Bieber and Pope Francis in a knife fight to the death:

Seriously, the outcome of the football game would be a secondary outcome of the day. The winner could raise a bloody fist, look into the camera, and say, “I’m going to Disneyland.” I think the pope would enjoy Disneyland.

Mimes and angry ferrets:

Get a bunch of mimes, put them in a pen at midfield, then release 10,000 angry ferrets into the pen. The mime that can remain in character the longest wins. (It’s not easy to do that invisible wall thing while ferrets are chewing your ears off.)

Penguins:

I don’t care what you do with them–just get a rookery of penguins and let them wander around the field–penguins are awesome. If you could teach one of the penguins to expose Janet Jackson’s breast, you would have pure entertainment gold.

An exhibition game:

A team of NFL pro-bowlers could take on a team comprised completely of losing contestants from The Bachelorette. The confessional/emergent care room would be must-see television.

Kayne West:

Kayne West does a typical Super Bowl halftime show with one caveat: everyone in the stadium gets a slingshot and a pile of rocks. Granted, for Philadelphia Eagles fans, this wouldn’t be much different than any regular-season game in Philadelphia, but the rest of us would love it.

These are my suggestions; I expect to see one of these next year, NFL.

kanye west

Kayne’s head is practically a target.

Posted in funny, Humor, idiotprufs, lists and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
01 Feb 2018

You Did What to That Earwig?

earwig

Back off Japanese scientists!

So I read the following statement on the internet:

Japanese Scientists discover when you pull off an earwig’s penis, another just pops back in its place.

Despite the infallibility of information found on the internet, I decided to find out if this is true.

Don’t worry–I didn’t pull any penises off any earwigs. Frankly, it seems like a really weird thing to do.

With all of the wonders in science and nature and the mysteries to unravel, why would a group of scientists spend their days pulling the penises off earwigs?

A group of scientists from Belgium attempted the same experiment with hippos. The results were varied: some of the scientists were trampled to death; others were simply maimed.

I found the following passage in The Japan Times:

Males have two, extremely long penises (sometimes longer than their bodies). The female has only one reproductive tract, but it is also very long, a convoluted tube. Sometimes during copulation, the male’s penis breaks off from his body and is lost inside the female. This is not as disastrous as it might be, because, Japanese research suggests, the male can simply use his spare penis.

Males have two, extremely long penises (sometimes longer than their bodies).

I think I’ve found my answer to why Japanese scientists are pulling the penises off earwigs: jealousy.

smug hippo

“Don’t even think about it; did you see what I did to those Belgian scientists?”

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