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A Halftime Show I Can Get Behind

halftime sharks

Put Katy Perry in a tank with real sharks–that would be entertainment.

Justin Timberlake is preforming at halftime of the Super Bowl today–yawn.

It’s all so tiresome: people flying in from the rooftop, dancing sharks, fireworks, giant spectacular dance sequences, Janet Jackson’s exposed breast.

Actually Janet Jackson’s exposed breast is the one interesting thing that’s happened at a halftime show in the last 20 years. Kudos to Justin Timberlake for that.

I have a few ideas for next year’s halftime show.

Justin Bieber and Pope Francis in a knife fight to the death:

Seriously, the outcome of the football game would be secondary outcome of the day. The winner could raise a bloody fist, look into the camera and say, “I’m going to Disneyland.” I think the pope would enjoy Disneyland.

Mimes and angry ferrets:

Get a bunch of mimes, put them in a pen at midfield, then release 10,000 angry ferrets into the pen. The mime that can remain in character the longest wins. (It’s not easy to do that invisible wall thing while ferrets are chewing your ears off.)


I don’t care what you do with them–just get a rookery of penguins and let them wander around the field–penguins are awesome. If you could teach one of the penguins to expose Janet Jackson’s breast, you would have pure entertainment gold.

An exhibition game:

A team of NFL pro-bowlers could take on a team comprised completely from losing contestants from the Bachelorette. The confessional/emergent care room would be must see television.

Kayne West:

Kayne West does a typical Super Bowl halftime show with one caveat: everyone in the stadium gets a slingshot and a pile of rocks. Granted, for Philadelphia Eagles fans this wouldn’t be much different than any regular season game in Philadelphia, but the rest of us would love it.

These are my suggestions; I expect to see one of these next year, NFL.

kanye west

Kayne’s head is practically a target.

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8 thoughts on “A Halftime Show I Can Get Behind

  1. I’d watch the mimes and ferrets show. I would really like to know which mimes can really build invisible walls all around to protect themselves from ferrets, and which mimes are just faking it.


  2. I really don’t know why the NFL hasn’t called you up to brainstorm the SuperBowl halftime shows….you could boost viewership tenfold!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I didn’t know that ferrets would eat humans

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great idea’s! I’d love to see them also! It would be much more exciting than watching the ball game!


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