CAMBRIDGE, Mass. It was, said Dr. Phillip Reiff as he relaxed after dinner last night, “the biggest ‘Eureka!’ moment” of his career. “We thought the science in this area was fairly well-established,” he tells this reporter as he finishes a glass of Malbec, then orders a double espresso and a slice of cheesecake from a waitress at […]
via New Study Reveals Last Previous Study Totally Bogus — Gerbil News Network
THE DEAD CONTINUE TO COME BACK TO LIFE: IT’S WEEK TWO OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. ORIGINAL HEADLINES ARE GETTING TRICKY, OKAY? by Ed Manwalking The dead have been coming back to life for just over a week and, already, civilisation is beginning to crumble. Nerds of all types have ground entire cities to a […]
via Out Of Leftfield #8: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins (Short Story) – by Oliver Giggins —
Erie “Zoo Guy” Scott Mitchell has emerged from his months-long hibernation just in time to oversee the zoo’s spring re-opening. “I’m fully rested and ready to go” said Mitchell as he emerged from the red panda exhibit where he spent the last three months. Mitchell admits that there were some breaks in his hibernation, as […]
Inspired by the Millcreek School District’s decision to issue miniature baseball bats to its teachers, the Erie School District is now providing lacrosse sticks to its teachers for classroom defense. “We saw what Millcreek did, and we are taking it a step further,” said ESD spokesperson Kate Schellenbach. “Baseball bats are OK, but we feel […]
via Erie School District to Arm Teachers with Lacrosse Sticks — gooferie
Erie SeaWolves mascot C. Wolf is resting comfortably tonight after being shot while making a promotional appearance in West Springfield. Mr. Wolf was posing for a photograph near a wooded area off Route 20 when a single shot, fired by hunter Hunter Danovitch, grazed his tail. Mr. Wolf immediately returned fire with his T-shirt gun, […]
via Erie Baseball Mascot C. Wolf Shot by Overzealous Hunter — gooferie
Presque Isle Downs and Casino announced today that a blackjack dealer broke his leg during a game and had to be humanely euthanized. The dealer slipped on an errant ice cube and fractured his ankle, necessitating the on-call medical staff to erect a curtain behind which the employee was put down to end his suffering. […]
Upon hearing that Erie’s single-item Spring Cleanup program will begin soon, eastside resident Jody Porter immediately dragged nearly a dozen pieces of broken down furniture and electronic appliances to the curb in front of his house, where it will sit for the next month at least. Neighbors tried to remind him that the rules allow only one large […]
via Local Man Still Doesn’t Understand Erie Spring Cleanup Rules — gooferie
Local drivers were frustrated today as they were stuck behind a man driving the posted speed limit of 35mph on the Bayfront Parkway. “I was stuck behind him all the way from State Street to West 8th” complained motorist Andrew Scott of Millcreek. “I could have been home 15 seconds sooner if not for him.” […]
The White House announced today that President Trump has chosen a replacement for outgoing National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster. In less than a month McMaster will be stepping down from his post. The Trump administration’s third National Security Adviser will be live action dragon H. R. Pufnstuf. A White House staffer, on condition of anonymity, […]
via H.R. McMaster To Be Replaced By H.R. Pufnstuf — gooferie
Citing rising labor costs, ten-year old Kool-Aid stand owner Katie Nelson has decided to move her entire operation to Fort Worth Texas. “A glass of Kool-Aid costs 50 cents, said Katie. “I’m paying my little brother Mikey five cents per glass he pours, and it’s killing me. The labor market in Fort Worth is different; […]
via Local Kool-Aid Stand to Move Operations to Fort Worth — gooferie
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