idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Archive for the tag “Kermit The Frog”

12 Reasons Lady Gaga’s Costume Designer Hates Her Job

In honor this year’s Super Bowl halftime entertainment.

One:

It’s ridiculously hard to hem a strip steak.

lady-gaga-costume-240a

Accessories include: matching belt, handbag, and A1 Steak Sauce.

Two:

You’re constantly being followed by packs of feral dogs.

The rest of you-she's this way.

“The rest of you, she’s this way.”

Three:

The fact that half of her wardrobe needs refrigeration.

More perishable clothing from that trouble maker Ellen.

More perishable clothing from that trouble maker Ellen.

Four:

That queasy feeling you get in your stomach when you go to a barbeque at Lady Gaga’s house, and she serves steaks and salad.

Five:

Having to deal with Britney Spears’ uppity costume designer, every time you ask to borrow her snake.

Just an All-American girl and her freakishly huge snake.

Just an All-American girl and her freakishly huge snake.

Six:

That confusingly contradictory tattoo she has on her butt, of Winnie The Pooh with his head caught in a honey pot.

I'm so adorable that it's confusingly contradictory.

“I’m so adorable that it’s confusingly contradictory.”

Seven:

They way she gets yellow powder over everything after she wolfs down a bag of Cheetos.

Nothing wrecks the mood of dead-carcass costume, more than Cheetos dust.

Nothing wrecks the mood of a dead-carcass costume, more than Cheetos dust.

Eight:

When anti-fur protesters throw blood on Lady Gaga, and it makes her costume better.

Nine:

That unnerving feeling you get, that this one is going to send you straight to Hell.

This one's gonna cost you.

This one’s gonna cost you.

Ten:

Your warm childhood memories of Sesame Street and Kermit The Frog have been destroyed forever.

Hi-Ho, I'm Kermit The Frog-help me please!

“Hi-Ho, I’m Kermit The Frog–HELP ME PLEASE!”

Eleven:

When people ask you the innocuous question: “What did you do at work today?” And you pause momentarily, then sob uncontrollably.

Twelve:

The weight of the horrible knowledge that you helped turn this girl:

Doesn't she look sweet/

Doesn’t she look sweet?

Into this girl:

gaga

Fat Hairy Hillbillies: Even More Weird Search Terms

search, idiotprufsIt’s time for another edition of weird search terms.

As always, these are all search terms exactly as they appear on my stats page.

fat hairy hillbillies   I’m just relieved the word nude wasn’t included in this search term.

gator boots for job interviews  The reason I didn’t get that job with PETA–and why I got banned from their building.

confused idiot  I wasn’t confused, the gator boots were a fashion choice.

interview idiots job  I didn’t get the job, you don’t have to rub it in.

high ronald mcdonald  Why I was fired from McDonalds.

what happens when rats eat mcdonalds  Those rats were real? I thought it was a hallucination.

chigger bites on testicles embarrassing story  Is it embarrassing for you, or for the chigger?

how to clean and stretch a raccoon  Finally someone is addressing this?

very very surprised animal  I’ll bet it was.

hatred of racoons  Maybe if you stopped stretching them, your relations with them would improve.

kissing hand raccoon coloring page  Rabies shots are fun for kids.

saw amish guy buying whole dead racoons  So much for raccoon Glasnost, who would do such a thing?

amish mafia  Enough said.

lyrics beer forklift  The worst polka song ever.

don gay bullridieng with band the rodeo clown  The worst country song ever.

stressed out stick people  You’d be stressed out too, if you had no discernible genitals

the little mermaid is a idiot  That should read: an idiot. Who’s the idiot now?

Bigfoot’s an idiot  Do you only pick on mythological creatures?

Justin Beiber does idiotic things  Still mythological.

tatoo idiocy  Seriously, he lived on Fantasy Island, why didn’t he just ask to be taller?

Tattoo from Fantasy Island

Come on Mr. Roarke, do a guy a favor.

punch an idiot in the face day  This isn’t a real thing, but it really ought to be.

throwing shit on a idiot  Now that’s going too far.

my idiot neighbor  But maybe not.

idiot names for garden gnomes  Now you have me convinced.

klingon word for sorry  There is no Klingon word for sorry, but there are 58 ways to say: still a virgin.

idiot klingon  I would say I’m sorry, but there’s no word for it.

hiccup erection It’s the last time I take Viagra to get rid of hiccups.

penis hysterical  It is a little funny.

can your esophagus explode  I wouldn’t have thought so, but then again I didn’t know anything about the hiccup erections either.

kermit the frog lady gaga  Hollywood’s new power couple.

lady gaga’s costume designer  Disapproves of her relationship with Kermit.

lady gaga, kermit the frog

Hi-Ho, I’m Kermit The Frog–help me please!

vegans won’t leave me alone  It is your bane, Mr. Potato Head.

Kim Goodman  No joke here, just a chance to show this freaky picture again.

kimberly goodman

Kimberly Goodman is in the Guinness Book of World Records for…whatever the hell this is.

Kimberly goodman guidance counselor  Would you take her career advice?

sent to the high school guidance counselor for disturbing thoughts  Unfortunately the guidance counselor was fresh out of disturbing thoughts.

nail penetration into the testicles  There you go. (Aren’t you glad I don’t have an image for this?)

she super glued breast on me  I don’t know how I would react to seeing that.

long hard stare  That would probably be it.

disturbing question  Such as?

do they use cow poop when making limburger cheese  Why would you ask that?

my wifes feet smell like limburger cheese  Oh.

why cheese makes me immediately vomit  It’s probably that thing with your wife’s feet. Just try to hold it in.

bald guy vomiting cheese  Too late.

can i borrowa cup of cocaine?”-y  It seems like you’ve already had enough.

mice butterworth  A favorite pancake topping of cats everywhere.

felt french fries  A favorite appetizer of Muppets everywhere.

tye domi  Tie Domi will beat the crap out of you for misspelling his name.

tie domi

“It’s three freaking letters.”

personal check grim reaper  How inconvenient is it when the Grim Reaper only takes cash?

where do you place the key in the ignition for John  Shouldn’t John know? What’s the word for a question like this?

the word stupid  There it is.

http://www.Dailymail.uk.co  My blog is very similar to the Daily Mail, of course I don’t have any photos of Rihanna’s nude butt or Kate Upton topless. I’m starting to see why my blog isn’t more popular.

French Fxxxxxx Idiot  How did you know I was French?

Humor blog WordPress  At least Google gets me.

5 things the mayans got wrong 

  1. The world will end in 2012.
  2. A movie will be made about 2012 starring a man named John Cusack; it will considered a cinematic masterpiece.
  3. A man named Albert Einstein will invent the ShamWow and become filthy rich.
  4. Man will find irrefutable evidence of Bigfoot.
  5. These Spanish conquistadors seem nice; nothing bad could possible result from our relationship with them.

current news on bigfoot 2014  The Mayans were wrong.

boy riding a unicorn  My next tattoo.

something disturbing on my penis  I didn’t say where that tattoo was going to be.

happy face idiot  My new Facebook status.

big stupid smiley face  Scratch that, this is my new Facebook status.

top 1 the most sexyman intheworld  This is my new Facebook status.

Sham Wow

The Mayans often referred to Albert Einstein as Chief.

 

 

 

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