As always, these are all real search terms from my stats page, rewritten exactly the way I found them, followed by a quick comment from myself.
why does it look like my penis has bug bites on the bottom of it You put your penis somewhere you shouldn’t have.
how to get wifes feet to stink like cheese I found 36 different combinations with the words: wife, feet, stink and cheese. Thank you Freshly Pressed for making my blog a foot fetish destination.
sexy man riding a unicorn images The poster on my bedroom wall, right next to my poster of Shaun Cassidy.
construction worker thumbs up thumbs up One fifth of The Village People, really happy really happy.
mooning kilt Aren’t all kilts for mooning?
my children’s story keep getting rejected Your story, Little Billy’s First Kite and the High Voltage Power Lines, was a little disturbing.
childrens story limburger cheese This one sucked too.
tom cruise is an idiot I am very honored that Nicole Kidman visited my blog.
how many idiot are in the church of scientology One less since Nicole left Tom.
katie holmes open mouth Katie, stunned that I didn’t use her name for those jokes.
cartoon vomit on guy The disastrous result of my prom date with Olive Oyl.
dental phobia funny jokes There is nothing funny about dental phobias.
“pulled all his teeth” See!
pi alamode 3.14 pieces of pie with ice cream on top.
bug eyed black guy Dynomite! (If you get that reference, you’re old.)
bad guidance counselor of the year The guidance counselor who advised this guy.
Bug mac More gross than a Big Mac, but slightly more nutritious.
Why you should start smoking Because emphysema is fun to say.
a monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in south bend, indiana Man, those priests at Notre Dame are strict.
best reasons for kids to start smoking If a monkey can do it, it’s got to be fun.
tinkerbell playing football The reason Disneyland’s football team sucks.
mcdonalds fries and rats All I want is the rat, but they push the fries on me anyway.
snooki rhyme satire Much better that Snooki Haiku.
limerick about idiots But not as good as the limericks about Snooki.
cartoon boxers Much more comfortable than cartoon briefs.
bee angry angry bee happy redd bee One of Dr. Seuss’ lesser known works.
a vicious cartoon bear Boo Boo finally got sick of Yogi’s crap.
instrument for digging holes Really?
bigfoot smokes pot So do you if you don’t know what a shovel is called.
job interview stoned Not a good idea unless you’re applying to be Justin Bieber’s pilot.
justin biebers shrunken face I’m more than a little proud this search term brought someone to this blog.
boy band with clown Aren’t they all?
list of things that gets bulls angry Bull-riders, rodeo clowns, matadors, and boy bands. (It should be noted, the entire animal kingdom hates boy bands, especially badgers.)
permanent cure for athletes foot A hacksaw, a tourniquet, and a peg leg.
self-medication criteria in ungulates Just don’t put their medication in child proof bottles; they have a horrible time opening them with their hoofed feet.
self medicating before family gatherings Before…during…after.
stuff you never want to hear from a new neighbor Hi, you probably recognize me from the Jersey Shore.
facts about bigfoot They love Jack Links beef jerky, but they hate Jack Links Messin’ With Sasquatch commercials.
Sasquatch in the woods That too.
facts about mermaids They all have crabs. (As pets. What did you think I meant?)
can an idiot ride a unicorn Only if he’s a mythological idiot.
my summer story pictures Even the search term sounds boring.
girl tooth fairy girl green disney channel ??????
squat comedy I should be able to think of something funny for this, I just can’t.
pee electricity words wisdom The first and last time you will ever see those words together.
cartoon cows behind an electric fence Are you sure that fence is electrified.
my penis hit an electric fence The worst possible way to check if a fence is electrified.
funny surprised face Your face two seconds after your penis touched that fence.
hysterical laughter cartoon Your friends two seconds after your penis touched that fence.