The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Just Stop Talking!

Bad decision sign

This conversation actually happened at a place where I worked, involving myself, a female supervisor, and a coworker named Bill who makes very questionable decisions.

Supervisor: I think I should go on a diet and shed a few pounds before summer.

Bill: You don’t need to lose weight; you’re pleasantly plump.

(Several moments of painfully awkward silence.)

Supervisor: I’m what?

Bill: you’re pleasantly plump.

Supervisor: I’m plump am I? Plump is what I am? I’m plump?

Bill: no, you’re pleasantly plump.

Me: (whispering discretely in Bill’s direction) stop saying the word plump, dude.

Supervisor: so my plumpness is pleasant to you?

Bill: I like a girl with meat on her bones.

(Another long and horrifying awkward silence.)

Me: wow, I can’t believe you thought the word meat would be helpful.

Supervisor: so I’m plump and meaty. (turning to address me) Do I look pleasantly plump to you?

Me: (frightened): pleasant is certainly not a word I would employ at the moment.

Supervisor: (growling) but am I plump?

Me: NO!

Bill: There’s nothing wrong with having some junk in your trunk.

(She literally became so angry she couldn’t speak.)

Me: you really need to stop all of the words that are coming out of your mouth, Bill.

Bill: (holding his hands wide apart) but I like women who have…


I can only guess at how Bill was going to finish that sentence; I am certain it would have resulted in his homicide.

The supervisor tortured Bill for weeks, screaming “watch out, there’s fat coming through,” every time she walked past him.

It was funny–for me.

The moral of this story: don’t be a dumbass.

Christmas turkey

Remember: plump and meaty is fine when describing your Christmas Turkey, but not when describing your boss.

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12 thoughts on “Just Stop Talking!

  1. Which is why most men know to run in the other direction when a woman says anything about her weight


  2. I think your supervisor is being somewhat of a twit.
    She should have simply heard Bill out and then pondered what he said (in all it’s socially awkward glory). Bill was actually attempting to pay her a compliment.

    There are all kinds of body types in the world, and even if she is a bit on the “plump” side it’s probably not all that profoundly so—maybe just mildly heavy-set.

    I don’t know why it’s so critical for people to want to have that “perfect look”. Just be who you are.
    …oh, and stop making what others think of you so “important”.


  3. I almost expected him to bring out “the more the cushion the better the pushin” line.


  4. Where I work he would literally have been fired after his first sentence.


  5. It was probably you, you just won’t admit it! 😉


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