idiotprufs

Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Archive for the day “December 1, 2017”

10 Things That Should Happen in the NFL but Probably Won’t

01nfl

#10

The New England Patriots are stripped of all five Super Bowl titles after it is discovered Tom Brady is a robot.

#9

The red challenge flag is to be replaced with a confetti cannon filled with angry bees.

mike tomlin

“I wish I had a confetti canon full of angry bees.”

#8

The two-minute warning is now marked by the release of 200 frenzied honey badgers onto the field.

#7

Every team’s official mascot is a monkey in a cowboy hat on a unicycle.

#6

After years of bitter disappointment, the Cleveland Browns pack up, move to Baltimore, change their name to the Ravens, and win multiple Super Bowls. (Sorry, I’ve been told this has already happened.)

#5

A new rule that stipulates the team losing at halftime must dress as rodeo clowns for the second half.

#4

Jim Brown trades in his trademark Kufi cap for a beanie with a propeller.

Jim Brown

“Why am I in Baltimore?”

#3

Referees are replaced with blindfolded mimes.

#2

The Super Bowl halftime show: Pope Francis battles Justin Bieber in a knife fight to the death. (Neither one of them sings.)

#1

The Cleveland Browns draft a quarterback that leads the team to the Super Bowl…Hell experiences a record-breaking cold snap.

Bill win Super Bowl

“This is Jim Cantore reporting live from Hell.”

Prince Charming Charged With Sexual Harassment

Another post from Gooferie.

gooferie

In shocking news several princesses have come forward with the claim that Prince Charming, heir apparent to the throne,  has sexually harassed them. No princess has been publicly identified but the reports are coming in from all throughout the kingdom. “He stalked me.” said one unnamed young woman. “I lost a shoe at one of his parties trying to escape his advances.” Two separate women have accused the prince of kissing them without consent while they were in a deep slumber. “I had just eaten an apple” said one of the women.  ”I wanted to take a little nap in my glass coffin. I was not even awake when he started kissing me.” Yet another woman has come forward with the claim that Prince Charming “Pulled my hair so hard that he was able to use it as a climbing rope.” More on this story as information becomes available.

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