10 Things That Should Happen in the NFL but Probably Won’t
The New England Patriots are stripped of all five Super Bowl titles after it is discovered Tom Brady is a robot.
The red challenge flag is to be replaced with a confetti cannon filled with angry bees.
The two-minute warning is now marked by the release of 200 frenzied honey badgers onto the field.
Every team’s official mascot is a monkey in a cowboy hat on a unicycle.
After years of bitter disappointment, the Cleveland Browns pack up, move to Baltimore, change their name to the Ravens, and win multiple Super Bowls. (Sorry, I’ve been told this has already happened.)
A new rule that stipulates the team losing at halftime must dress as rodeo clowns for the second half.
Jim Brown trades in his trademark Kufi cap for a beanie with a propeller.
Referees are replaced with blindfolded mimes.
The Super Bowl halftime show: Pope Francis battles Justin Bieber in a knife fight to the death. (Neither one of them sings.)
The Cleveland Browns draft a quarterback that leads the team to the Super Bowl…Hell experiences a record-breaking cold snap.