My Sincerest Apologies
A few months ago I detailed how distraught I was after discovering I had missed National Toothache Day.
This pales in comparison to that oversight.
Yesterday was National Sea-Monkey Day.
I MISSED NATIONAL SEA-MONKEY DAY!
What the hell? It feels like I just woke up on December, 26th and thought to myself: it feels like I missed something yesterday–why do I crave eggnog?
Sea-Monkeys have been such a huge part of my life and this blog. I even wrote an entire post about how Sea-Monkeys are preferable to my aunts and uncles.
(But to be fair, a rotting bloated corpse infected with Ebola is preferable to my aunts and uncles.)
I’ve laughed with Sea-Monkeys. I’ve wept with Sea-Monkeys. I can’t think of a single important event in my life of which Sea-Monkeys weren’t an integral part.
(Except maybe when I lost my virginity–there were no Sea-Monkeys involved with that–I’m not a weirdo.)
Sea-Monkeys are fantastic companions:
- They’re great listeners.
- They almost never interrupt you.
- They don’t hog the bathroom–they go right in the bowl.
- They never take the last beer.
- They laugh with me, not at me.
- They hate mimes as much as I do.
- They never touch the remote–they’re happy with what I want to watch.
- They never get anchovies on the pizza–anchovies are their natural enemies.
- They’re really into William Blake.
- And if for some reason they do act up a little, I can just leave a bottle of cocktail sauce by their bowl. They’re brine shrimp–they get the picture.
I want to extend my deepest and most sincere apologies to all of the Sea-Monkeys out there: I will never let you down again.
Final Note: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I once guzzled a bowl of Sea-Monkeys on a drunken dare. It is a heinous fabrication of the worst kind. A vicious, nasty, horrible, deliciously salty lie.
The anchovy–natural enemy of the Sea-Monkey.
idiotpruf 
I like your article, very inspiring and thank you for your post
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Did you get your first Sea Monkeys from the back page of the Archie Comic book’s?? or was it Wonder Woman??
You also forgot ” National Naked Gardening Day” would you like me to send you pictures??? lol. ( not of me!) 🙂
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Forget about Naked Gardening Day? I can’t wipe the images from my brain.
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lol. :0
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I recently discovered there was a goat rave beer festival in Philadelphia which I missed by 11 days. Tragic and upsetting. You are not alone.
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Now you tell me about the goat rave beer festival?
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Sea Monkey is a fun slot machine at the casino.
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Aren’t all slot machines fun?
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Were those the monkeys who used to approve your blog but have moved on to better things? Can’t blame them if you forget their appreciation day
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There are no better things.
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I too missed National Sea Monkey Day. This is what failure feels like. Husband offers me no sympathy… he claims I don’t need more holidays. I threatened to take down his pirate flag and now we’re not speaking. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE SEA MONKEYS ARE NOT APPEASED.
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This is serious seafaring business.
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