idiotprufs

Illegal in 38 states–frowned upon in the rest.

My Sincerest Apologies

sea monkeyA few months ago I detailed how distraught I was after discovering I had missed National Toothache Day.

This pales in comparison to that oversight.

Yesterday was National Sea-Monkey Day.

I MISSED NATIONAL SEA-MONKEY DAY!

What the hell? It feels like I just woke up on December, 26th and thought to myself: it feels like I missed something yesterday–why do I crave eggnog?

Sea-Monkeys have been such a huge part of my life and this blog. I even wrote an entire post about how Sea-Monkeys are preferable to my aunts and uncles.

(But to be fair, a rotting bloated corpse infected with Ebola is preferable to my aunts and uncles.)

I’ve laughed with Sea-Monkeys. I’ve wept with Sea-Monkeys. I can’t think of a single important event in my life of which Sea-Monkeys weren’t an integral part.

(Except maybe when I lost my virginity–there were no Sea-Monkeys involved with that–I’m not a weirdo.)

Sea-Monkeys are fantastic companions:

  • They’re great listeners.
  • They almost never interrupt you.
  • They don’t hog the bathroom–they go right in the bowl.
  • They never take the last beer.
  • They laugh with me, not at me.
  • They hate mimes as much as I do.
  • They never touch the remote–they’re happy with what I want to watch.
  • They never get anchovies on the pizza–anchovies are their natural enemies.
  • They’re really into William Blake.
  • And if for some reason they do act up a little, I can just leave a bottle of cocktail sauce by their bowl. They’re brine shrimp–they get the picture.

I want to extend my deepest and most sincere apologies to all of the Sea-Monkeys out there: I will never let you down again.

Final Note: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I once guzzled a bowl of Sea-Monkeys on a drunken dare. It is a heinous fabrication of the worst kind. A vicious, nasty, horrible, deliciously salty lie.

fish

The anchovy–natural enemy of the Sea-Monkey.

 

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12 thoughts on “My Sincerest Apologies

  1. I like your article, very inspiring and thank you for your post

    Like

  2. Did you get your first Sea Monkeys from the back page of the Archie Comic book’s?? or was it Wonder Woman??
    You also forgot ” National Naked Gardening Day” would you like me to send you pictures??? lol. ( not of me!) 🙂

    Like

  3. I recently discovered there was a goat rave beer festival in Philadelphia which I missed by 11 days. Tragic and upsetting. You are not alone.

    Like

  4. Sea Monkey is a fun slot machine at the casino.

    Like

  5. Were those the monkeys who used to approve your blog but have moved on to better things? Can’t blame them if you forget their appreciation day

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I too missed National Sea Monkey Day. This is what failure feels like. Husband offers me no sympathy… he claims I don’t need more holidays. I threatened to take down his pirate flag and now we’re not speaking. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE SEA MONKEYS ARE NOT APPEASED.

    Liked by 1 person

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