idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the tag “travel”

05 Apr 2024
2 Comments

It Happened!

It has finally happened!
After years of hoping and dreaming, waiting in anticipation, barely daring to believe it could come true, it is here.
As I type this, I am struggling to see through the tears of joy streaming from my eyes.
What is the joyous occasion?
Have my testicles finally descended?
They did descend briefly, didn’t like what they saw, and reascended, but that’s a topic for a different day.
This blog has finally received a pageview from the great nation of Greenland.
After receiving over 131,000 pageviews from 180 different countries and regions, Greenland has finally decided to make an appearance.


This blog has gotten two page views from a place labeled as Unkown Region. I’m pretty sure that’s Mordor.
I’ve gotten two pageviews from Andorra; isn’t that where Ewoks live?
I’ve always felt like Ewoks would get my sense of humor.
Two more page views have come from the Caribbean Netherlands. Since when have the Netherlands been in the Caribbean? I am so confused.
I’ve received four page views from St. Kitts and Nevis, and that is clearly a made-up name; that’s like getting four page views from Narnia.
I’m not sure why Greenland took so long to get here; there’s nothing in Greenland except ice and walruses. I mean, there isn’t a lot to do.
That being said–we are happy to have you here, Greenland.


Addendum: As I write this, my joy has been slightly tempered by the realization that I have yet to receive a pageview from Transylvania.
I know you’re busy fighting vampires, but let’s be honest, since the Twilight movies, vampires have become pretty sissy.
Let’s get on it, Transylvania.

Posted in funny, inspirational and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
26 Mar 2024
2 Comments

Vending Machines vs. Sharks

So, I recently read that vending machines are responsible for more deaths annually in the U.S. than shark attacks.

Who would have thought vending machines that are more deadly than sharks?

Sharks are terrifying with their rows of razor-sharp teeth, their dead, emotionless eyes, and that creepy music from Jaws that plays every time they get near you. 

Steven Speilberg didn’t make a movie about vending machines killing people on an idyllic resort island.

(But if he had, I’m sure it would have been awesome.)

This is horrible news; I had no idea I was putting my life in danger every time I purchased a bag of cheese puffs.

I knew I would get that orange dust all over my fingers and stuck in my teeth, but that was a risk I was willing to take.

To be fair, if you live in a place like Idaho, you’re far more likely to fall prey to a vending machine than a shark.

The transfats in the cheese puffs will likely take you out before a shark attack will.

You would have to be astronomically unlucky to die of a shark attack in Idaho.

Realistically, if you stay at least ten feet from the ocean, you should be relatively safe from a shark attack.

Vending machines, by contrast, are everywhere–especially in Idaho.

The vast majority of vending machine deaths occur when a purchased item becomes stuck in the machine. The purchaser attempts to dislodge the item by tilting or shaking the vending machine, causing the vending machine to fall on them and crush them.

A small minority of vending machine deaths occur when a person laughs so hysterically that they have a heart attack after they have witnessed a dumbass co-worker tip a vending machine on themself.

People who die in vending machine accidents tend to be people who are physically aggressive and quick to anger.

People who die in a shark attack tend to be people who are vacationing from Idaho, and they thought surfing looked fun, so they decided to try it; it’s safer than a vending machine, they thought.

Dying because a vending machine fell on you has to be mortifying in the afterlife. 

First Dead Person: So, how did you die?

Second Dead Person: I died storming the beaches of Normandy to free Europe from the oppressive boot of the Nazi war machine. How about you?

First Dead Person: My bag of cheese puffs got caught in the little spirally thing in a vending machine. I was really hungry. I’m from Idaho.

I would suggest if you are physically aggressive and quick to anger, you would do well to avoid vending machines. 

Go surfing, that might be fun.

Posted in funny, health, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
07 Mar 2024
2 Comments

Scorpion Stings Man in the Nuts

A man is suing the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, after an unfortunate incident that occurred during his stay.

Michael Farchi says he awoke in the middle of the night to discover he was being stung in the testicles by a scorpion.

(I’m not making this up.)

According to Michael, he was stung multiple times in the naughty bits, which was later confirmed by doctors at a local hospital after they were done laughing.

Michael claims he is still suffering health issues from the attack that occurred on Dec. 26th.

Perhaps Las Vegas should change its motto to “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…unless you’re stung in the nuggets a bunch of times by a scorpion.”

“Nobody staying in Vegas needs to [be] exposed to deadly scorpions while they’re sleeping, let alone on their private parts, their testicles,” said his attorney, Brian Virag.

I would argue the Vegas part is irrelevant; nobody needs to be stung in the testicles by a scorpion at anytime, anywhere, ever.

Michael claims that even though his family cut the vacation short, he still had to pay the Venetian Hotel for the stay.

I have to say, the Venetians may good at canals, glass-blowing, and masks (and I love all the work they’ve done with blinds), but they suck at running hotels.

But there is a forgotten part of this story: what about the poor scorpion.

“It was horrifying,” the scorpion said, “I woke up, and there were two big hairy nuts in my face. I stung them as many times as I could; I barely got away with my life.”

Stanley (the scorpion’s name is Stanley) went on to describe how he would probably be traumatized for life. “Every time I see a picture of a canal, I break down and sob uncontrollably,” he stated.

There is no word yet on whether, or not Stanley will take legal action against the Venetian Hotel.

Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for both Michael and Stanley.

Posted in funny, health, Humor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

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