Because they haunt your dreams.
“Striving every day to do the least idiotic thing possible, generally failing.”
The above statement had been the tagline of this blog since its inception–sadly, it’s also been the guiding principle of my life–but it felt as if it was time for a change. (For the tagline, my life’s an irreparable heap.)
So I decided to change it this:
“Read by four out of five drunken monkeys-written by the fifth.”
Well, it’s time for a change again. So I’m trying out a few possibilities.
idiotprufs: what happens when you don’t listen to that nagging little voice in your head.
idiotprufs: the blog that is wanted by the authorities for questioning.
just do it. (Evidently, the people at Nike think they own everything.)
idiotprufs: the blog that got so drunk last night, it can’t remember where it left its pants.
idiotprufs: the last blog you will ever read…after you’ve stabbed your eyes out with a shrimp fork.
idiotprufs: the blog that makes my friends deny they know me.
idiotprufs: the reason most of my aunts no longer speaks to me. (I wish I had started it sooner.)
idiotprufs: the reason I’ve been burned in effigy by Bolivian pudding makers.
idiotprufs: reading it will make your breath perpetually minty fresh.
idiotprufs: the blog labeled a bitter disappointment by its parents.
idiotprufs: the blog that was a banana slug in a previous life.
idiotprufs: the blog that is…um…interesting.
Note: The above tagline is an actual quote from someone after reading this blog; I think she thought it was more polite than saying, “it made me vomit uncontrollably.”
idiotprufs: the blog that was abandoned in the wilderness, but found its way home.
idiotprufs: the new black–black is now forest green.
idiotprufs: it’s addictive like heroin, but without the needles.
idiotprufs: the subject of dozens of lawsuits.
idiotprufs: it’s only libel if isn’t true.
idiotprufs: it’s better than chugging a bowl full of Sea Monkeys.
idiotprufs: the blog that requires you to have all your shots.
idiotprufs: the crayon drawing of the literary world.
idiotprufs: not everybody that reads it suffers from a debilitating brain aneurysm…but it helps.
idiotprufs: it’s like something Mark Twain would write, but without all that annoying humor and wit.
idiotprufs: five minutes of your life that you will never get back.
idiotprufs: it’s like that rash that just won’t go away.
idiotprufs: reading it prevents scurvy.
idiotprufs: the blog that has resulted in almost zero cases of rabies.
idiotprufs: it’s practically a cure for not being an ax-wielding maniac.
idiotprufs: the blog that has never caused cancer in lab rats. (However, it is a death sentence for yaks.)
idiotprufs: Bigfoot’s favorite blog next to Outdoor Life.
idiotprufs: overlooked by the Pulitzer committee for purely political reasons.
idiotprufs: the blog that ran into Piers Morgan’s blog in a crowded bar, and beat the crap out of it.
idiotprufs: the real reason Edward Snowden fled the country.
idiotprufs: the only blog read aloud in Buckingham Palace.
idiotprufs: the blog that openly wonders if men from Nantucket ever get sick of being facetiously asked if they’re “the guy” from the limericks.
idiotprufs: the blog that caused Justin Bieber to snap.
idiotprufs: only stupid, repugnant, ugly people don’t like it.
idiotprufs: the blog that is being carefully monitored by the NSA.
idiotprufs: the greatest thing on the internet since that piano playing cat.
idiotprufs: the real father of Snooki’s baby.
idiotprufs: the blog that makes your eyes do this:
What did I just read?
idiotprufs: it’s considered a vile profanity in Portuguese.
idiotprufs: virtually none of the death threats were credible.
idiotprufs: developed in a secret underground laboratory below Martha Stewart’s house, by a race of super-smart ferrets.
Note: Mr. Squeakers, a ferret that escaped from Martha Stewart’s compound, described her home as wreaking of buttermilk pancakes and fear, but he also described it as being very tastefully decorated.
idiotprufs: the blog that’s destined to rule the world with an iron fist!
I kind of like the last one.