Ned the Tree Frog: A Fable
Ned was a tree frog who lived in a bush.
All the other tree frogs lived in big trees in the forest, but Ned had a fear of heights.
One day Ned was hopping around the forest floor when he bumped into Patty the tree frog and her boyfriend, Dirk the tree frog.
Ned had long fancied Patty the treefrog; she was especially plump and slimy.
“We’re having a party up in our tree tonight,” Patty told Ned, “why don’t you come?”
“He won’t come to a party in the tree,” Dirk said snidely, “Ned doesn’t like to be in the trees.”
“It’s called acrophobia,” Ned defended himself, “and it’s an officially recognized fear by American Psychiatric Association, Dirk.”
“You really need to grow a pair,” Patty told Ned.
“I’m a tree frog,” Ned told Patty, “that means my genitalia consists of two interior testicles and spermatic canal; I have a pair, you just can’t see them.”
“Let’s just leave this pathetic loser to himself and go have our party,” Dirk told Patty.
Dirk and Patty laughed at Ned as they hopped away to have their party.
That Dirk is a spermatic canal, Ned thought to himself.
That night Ned sat in his bush and listened to the laughter and frivolity happening in the tree above him and he felt very sad and alone.
So he got some gasoline and burned their tree to the ground–the other tree frogs never made fun of Ned again.
Don’t be a spermatic canal.