I find all of these to be completely appropriate.
Birthday: It’s Your Birthday…I slept with your grandmother. We’re getting married.
I’m Sorry: For sleeping with your grandmother, marrying her, and stealing away your inheritance. Love from Cabo!
Anniversary: Happy Anniversary to the Man I Love…I hope my husband never finds out. LOL!
Happy Easter: Praise be to the Lord, He has Risen…ALL LAMBS SHOULD DIE! Then sprinkle with rosemary and thyme for a delicious dinner celebrating Christ.
Congratulations: You’ve graduated high school!…Now, try to get through college without a cocaine addiction.
Thank You: Thank You…for giving me something that will be in next month’s yard sale.
New Baby: God has blessed you with a baby…Let’s hope your wife doesn’t drown it.
Get Well Soon: May God bless you with a speedy recovery…but then I hope you get hit by a car when you leave the hospital because I love watching you suffer.
Thinking of You: I’ve been thinking of…
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