Let Me Explain
This was an actual conversation I witnessed between a co-worker and a supervisor and the thoughts I had as I listened to the conversation.
It was our first week on a temporary job and my co-worker was keen to be hired in full time. So keen that he felt the need to explain in detail why he had called off the previous Friday.
Co-worker: I wanted to explain why I had to call off on Friday.
Co-worker: I was in jail.
Me thinking: Oh no, don’t tell him that.
Co-worker: But it wasn’t my fault. My buddy got pulled over for running a stop sign and the cop took both our licenses. I just happened to have a warrant out for my arrest.
Me Thinking: You just happened to have a warrant out for your arrest?
Supervisor: You just happened to have a warrant out for your arrest?
Co-worker: It was from like, four years ago. I still owed money on a fine.
Me thinking: Don’t tell him why you were arrested.
Co-worker: It was for cocaine possession.
Co-worker: But I don’t use illegal drugs anymore…
Me thinking: The first non-damaging thing you’ve said.
Co-worker: …very often.
Me thinking: Of course.
Co-worker: In fact, out of all the times I’ve been in jail, that’s the first time I didn’t know somebody in there.
Me thinking: Seriously? Why would you tell him that?
Supervisor: It sounds like you had a rough weekend.
Co-worker: Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t get hammered on the weekend.
Me thinking: He couldn’t possibly make this worse.
Co-worker: At least I didn’t get (at this point he crudely described being raped by another man) by a big guy named Bubba.
Me thinking: I stand corrected.
Co-worker: And they took all the cash I had and put it toward what I owed on the fine. I’ve had to bum smokes off everyone today…I mean cigarettes–not weed.
Me thinking: Good catch, that’ll save the day.
Supervisor: Well, try to stay out of trouble next weekend.
A few minutes later on the job.
Co-worker: I think that went really well.
Me: Really? You think that went well?
Co-worker: People appreciate honesty?
Me: I certainly appreciated it.
Two months later.
The co-worker was brought on full-time–I was not.
A few weeks later.
The co-worker arrived at work drunk out of his mind, fell asleep on the job, and was fired.
The moral to this little story: people are stupid and they suck.