idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

01 May 2018
42 Comments

Home is Where the Heart is…and a Bit of Predator

Westfield ny

Home is where the heart is…in fact, that’s where I keep most of my shit.  –Pliny the Elder (slightly paraphrased)

This post is about my hometown, and five reasons why it is awesome. (This post is not about modesty.)

Reason #1: the best chicken wings on the planet

Western New York is really good at two things: lake effect snow and chicken wings. Lake effect snow sucks, but chicken wings are great. And the best chicken wings on the planet can be found in Westfield, NY at Larry’s Cantina.

How do I know the chicken wings at Larry’s Cantina are the best on the planet? Because I am a chicken wing expert. (Did I mention this post is not about modesty?)

Note: I can’t vouch for the chicken wings on other planets; I’m sure the chicken wings on that planet Predator is from are badass.

Predator

“Our chicken wings are badass.”

Reason #2: Mad Dog 20/20

mad dog

That’s right, Mad Dog 20/20 is produced in my hometown by Mogen David. Mad Dog 20/20 is classified as a flavored fortified wine. Flavored fortified wines are sometimes referred to as “bum wines” by cynics. Cynics can bite me. (This post is not about tact.)

The Urban Dictionary claims it’s the drink high school kids sneak off to the rock quarry to drink. That’s ridiculous…it was a gorge.

Mad Dog 20/20 has numerous virtues:

  • It’s practically a cure for not having liver disease.
  • It relieves you of that pesky problem of having too many brain cells.
  • It would survive a nuclear holocaust.
  • It comes in several delicious artificial flavors and colors that glow in the dark.
  • If you’ve ever wondered what the sweetest thing in the world is: there’s your answer.
  • Predator loves it.
Predator

“Mad Dog 20/20 is badass.”

Reason #3: Grace Bedell

Bedell

Grace Bedell statue in Westfield, NY.

On October 15, 1860, a few weeks before Lincoln was elected President of the United States, Grace Bedell sent him a letter from Westfield, New York, urging him to grow a beard to improve his appearance. Lincoln responded in a letter on October 19, 1860, making no promises. However, within a month, he grew a full beard.

His inaugural trip from Illinios to Washington D.C. took him through Westfield, NY where he stopped to meet Grace.

Grace later recounted the events:

“He climbed down and sat down with me on the edge of the station platform,” she recalled. “‘Gracie,’ he said, ‘look at my whiskers. I have been growing them for you.’ Then he kissed me. I never saw him again.”

I know what you’re thinking: that’s a sweet story, but it would have been more impressive if she had written something like:

Dear Mr. Lincoln, if you should become president, this slavery thing really has to go.

P.S.  Avoid the theater.

Hey, it’s our thing–leave it alone!

Predator

“Grace Bedell is badass.”

Reason #4: my aunts and uncles

If modern cinema and television have taught us anything through mega-hits such as Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Walking Dead, it’s that witches, vampires, werewolves, and various incarnations of the undead, are quite popular in current culture.

The town of Westfield, NY is polluted with my aunts and uncles.

Note: you get what I’m implying.

Reason #5: simply put: it’s my hometown and that makes it awesome (this post is not about modesty or tact)

This blog is read by thousands of intelligent and influential people (a few of which aren’t imaginary).

And since this is my blog: I make the rules. And according to those rules, that makes my hometown awesome.

Note: I’ve heard this blog is wildly successful on Predator’s planet.

Predator

“idiotprufs is badass.”

Addendum

Westfield, NY is also awesome because there are absolutely no mimes there.

There was one once, but we took care of that.

Westfield, NY

Westfield, NY: notice the dearth of mimes.

Posted in funny, Humor, idiotprufs, lists and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

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42 thoughts on “Home is Where the Heart is…and a Bit of Predator”

  1. actualconversationswithmyhusband on said:

    I’m honestly most impressed by your lack of mimes—we’re under a constant infestation of enthusiastic theater students here.

    Also, I have it on good authority that the wings on Predator’s home planet are shit; that’s why he came here, and why he’s so cranky.

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  3. Janice Wald on said:

    Hi,
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    Maybe you can check out my blog if you need any blogging tips.
    Janice

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  5. cat9984 on said:

    I bet you don’t really know Predator.

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  6. Pingback: So I’ve Ruffled Some Feathers | idiotprufs

  7. Curmudgeon-at-Large on said:

    I see from the photo that the town of Westfield, NY has not only a dearth of mimes but also of people. Now I understand that the vampire aunts and uncles won’t appear until after dark but shouldn’t there be a few undead hanging around?

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  8. sheialanipov on said:

    hey idiotprufs …nice post
    check out my blog
    https://sheialanipov.wordpress.com/

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  9. Wendy on said:

    I don’t have time to write much of a comment as am dashing off to book a flight to Westfield. Can I fly there direct from the UK?

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  10. Chris on said:

    I lived in North Carolina for 7 years. Down there you can walk into a convenient store and buy Mad Dog 20/20. Mostly seen wrapped in a brown bag being consumed by frequent road side alcoholics..it was a trip to see in the convenient stores and look at label that states produced in Westfield, N.Y…guess some follow ya!!

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  11. E. Williams on said:

    If Mad Dog is good enough for Predator, it’s good enough for me. I had no idea he endorsed such a fine beverage, unless maybe he uses it for rocket fuel to get back to his home planet?

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  12. Diane Henders on said:

    You had me at “chicken wings”. And if Predator agrees, who am I to argue?

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  13. GentleHearts Mystic Courage on said:

    never been to Larrys, lived here all my life, ohhh well

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  14. longchaps2 on said:

    And so the question begs to be asked: If Predator grew a full beard would HIS appearance be improved? What would Grace think?

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  15. nadajakarta on said:

    Like my blog please. Thank you

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  16. Carl D'Agostino on said:

    I was in Buffalo in 1985, big time blizzard. I did the dumbest thing I ever did in my life there. I went into that downtown Flamingo bar wearing my Miami Dolphins jersey. Well lemme tell ya…

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  17. Mike on said:

    Who knew that Grace bedell was Abraham Lincon’s beard? And why is it OK for him to kiss little girls by the train tracks, but I get within 150 ft. of a school and everyone freaks out?

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  18. Carrie Rubin on said:

    I’ve never been to Westfield, NY, but if I do go, I won’t take my oldest son. If he learns about those fantastic wings, he won’t eat anything else. What is it about guys and wings?

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  19. Tony the wing machine on said:

    Hello Idiotprufs – While I would take great pleasure in debating you on the wing issue, I simply cannot. As an out-of-towner I can say unequivocally that Larry’s Cantina’s Cajuns are the best wings in the entire galaxy. I can say this as someone who lives in another galaxy….Baltimore. See you Friday!

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