There’s No Crying in Baseball–Just Obscene Gestures
Earlier this week, Mr. Met, the beloved mascot of the New York Mets found himself in hot water when he was caught on camera giving a fan the middle finger. A particularly amazing feat considering he has only four fingers on either hand.
It’s still unclear what provoked the outburst, but some insight was provided by Mr. Met’s long time friend, Otto the Orange.
“People think that because his head is a giant baseball with no discernable ears, they say anything they want without consequence,” Otto said, “but he’s a very sensitive soul and he really takes things to heart…plus he drinks heavily and he hates children.”
The famous San Diego Chicken was contacted for comment. He said he wasn’t certain what had happened exactly, but he thought Mr. Met had really laid an egg with his actions. He then clucked hysterically, clutched his chest and fell over dead. He will be laid to rest later this week in an orange sauce with a side of green beans with miso and almonds.
“It’s difficult when you have a giant bulbous head that’s disproportionate to your body,” Charlie Brown of the Peanuts comic commented. “You tip over if the slightest breeze hits you, people laugh at you, but just wait for a rainstorm and they’re all gathering under your head for shelter.” Then he just sighed and said, “good grief.”
After being fired by the Mets organization Mr. Met’s future is uncertain.
“Well, I’m from New York City, I’m weird looking, and I’ve been publicly disgraced–I’ll probably just run for Congress.”