Archeologists from the Academy of Social Services of North Korea’s History Institute have made an important discovery: they have discovered a unicorn lair. (I’m not making this up) The report says that they have “reconfirmed” the presence of the lair. Apparently the ancient Korean King Tongmyong rode a unicorn.
Why is this the first I’m hearing about this? There was nothing about a unicorn riding, ancient North Korean king, in any history book I ever read. How do leave that out?
As it turns out, this wasn’t the only bizarre revelation uncovered by North Korean scientists:
- Unicorns are not only real, but they’re always griping about how zebras are such sissies.
- Trix aren’t for kids; they really are for rabbits.
- Dennis Rodman is a cyborg and his multicolored hair is magic.
- If you catch a leprechaun you don’t get a pot of gold; you just get a lot of pot.
- Jerry Garcia isn’t dead: he’s in Ireland and he’s really stoned.
- Despite the moniker, Bigfoot’s feet are tiny.
- Bigfoot hates that famous picture of himself; he thinks it makes him look fat.
- Wile E. Coyote caught the Roadrunner years ago. He was served in an orange sauce, over rice, with sautéed spinach on the side.
- The chicken came before the egg, but they both preceded the first chicken omelette.
- The Great Wall of China was built by a guy just trying to keep the neighbor’s dog out of his yard.
- Trolls don’t live under bridges; they live in North East, Pennsylvania. (You know who you are.)
- The Mars Rover did find life on Mars. It was a weird little dude named Marvin.
- And finally: The Onion was right: Kim Jong Un is the sexiest man alive.
Isn’t that the face of man who needs to have his own unicorn?
And maybe a few less nuclear missiles.
He can keep Dennis Rodman.