idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the tag “recipes”

21 Jan 2026
2 Comments

Wolverines and Chocolate Chip Cookies

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but you are going to die.

Don’t worry; I’m not suggesting you will die tomorrow or in some horrible, grisly way, just that someday you will inevitably die.

Not that you couldn’t die tomorrow in some horrible, grisly way; it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

You could be sauntering from your local grocery store with a big bag of pre-mixed chocolate chip cookie dough when you’re set upon and torn apart by a pack of ravenous wolverines.

Why do you have a big bag of chocolate chip cookie dough? Because you love chocolate chip cookies and that old TV show ChiPs.

You like to sit around all day shoving chocolate chip cookies into your gaping maw while you cheer on the adventures of Ponch and Jon.

And you are far too lazy to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Sometimes you’re too lazy to make the cookies; you just stuff your face with raw cookie dough.

I mean, you were just in the store; you could have purchased all the ingredients and made proper chocolate chip cookies.

Perhaps it was the combination of your love of sweets and your laziness that has led to your putting on a few pounds–perhaps if you were in slightly better shape, you could have staved off the wolverines.

Anyway, as you exit the store, a ravenous pack of wolverines could set upon you and mercilessly tear you to shreds.

I’m not saying it will happen; I’m just saying it could happen.

You may feel this scenario to be unlikely, but there are wolverines in the world, and your love of chocolate chip cookies and Erik Estrada has made you sedentary.

Didn’t you make a New Year’s resolution about eating more vegetables?

Do you know who doesn’t eat vegetables?

Wolverines. Wolverines don’t eat vegetables; their preferred diet consists mainly of scavenging carrion and hunting small mammals.

You are more appetizing than carrion (by a little), and you are way easier to catch than a small mammal.

But don’t fear, while it is very likely a pack of ravenous wolverines will tear you apart, it could be weeks, even months, before that happens.

So, just sit back and enjoy.

Addendum: Wolverines hate ChiPs; they prefer the Rockford Files.

Posted in fitness, funny, health, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
21 Dec 2024
3 Comments

This Christmas Give the Gift of the Rutabaga

rutabaga

It’s Christmastime again: the perfect opportunity to brighten the spirits of a loved one with the gift of the rutabaga.

What’s so special about the rutabaga, you may ponder–what isn’t so special about the rutabaga is my response.

  • They can be roasted.
  • They can be baked.
  • They can be boiled as a flavor enhancer in soups.
  • They can be boiled as a flavour enhancer in soups in Great Britain. (You wouldn’t believe how much tastier the soup is with that extra U in the word flavour.)
  • They can be thinly julienned as a side dish, in a salad, or as a garnish.
  • They can be thinly julienned and used to clean up oil spills in the driveway.
  • They can be mashed into a paste and used to degrease engines.
  • They can be mashed into a paste and used as a beautifying face cream. (It won’t make you more attractive, but it will cover your face–which, if you’re being honest, is the problem.)
  • You can make rutabaga ice cream.
  • You can make a rudimentary boiled rutabaga stew that was a staple of famine-ridden Europe during the war and pretend you’re living in famine-ridden Europe during the war…because pretending is fun.
  • You can chuck them at the heads of people you don’t like.
  • You can chuck them at the heads of people you’re ambivalent about.
  • You can chuck them at the heads of people you do like. (The thunk of a rutabaga bouncing off a human skull is surprisingly satisfying regardless of the target.)
  • You can fill your child’s stocking with them. (But ensure they’re fresh; they can attract flies.)
  • You can use them to attract flies.
  • You can carve them into lanterns, as was the old Irish tradition.
  • You can carve them into lanterns and chuck them at people’s heads. (Hopefully the beginnings of a new tradition.)
  • And finally, you can make the traditional Finnish Christmas dish Lanttulaatikko.
rutabaga dish

Lanttulaatikko is a delicious Finnish Christmas dish–you can also chuck it at people’s heads.

Addendum: Don’t make rutabaga ice cream–it sucks.

Posted in funny, History, Humor, inspirational, lists and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Post Navigation