Cooked Goose Results in Attack
Jamestown, NY–A domestic dispute has erupted over the butchering of a goose.
When local authorities arrived at a small farmhouse on the outskirts of the city, they discovered a bizarre scene involving a semi-conscious man covered in goose feathers and sauce and with a suspicious wound on his buttocks.
The disheveled man said he had been preparing a nice cooked goose for his wife when she came home and viciously attacked him for no apparent reason.
“It was a very bizarre scene,” one of the responding officers said. “We found the victim in a daze, covered in goose feathers and some kind of sauce that made all the feathers stick to him. He also had a wound on his buttocks that appears to have been made by a pitchfork.”
“The sauce smelled sweet and zippy; I’m guessing some kind of Cumberland sauce,” another officer added. “It’s too bad; I bet it would have paired well with the goose…I mean, had his wife not used it to scald him.”
“The goose laid golden eggs,” the wife exclaimed in exasperation. “And I don’t mean that metaphorically; it laid literal eggs of gold. Do you know how hard that is to find?”
“But it wasn’t hard to find,” the victim later stated, “it just wandered onto the farm one day; easy peasy.”
“The idiot knows what I mean,” his wife responded angrily.
“I don’t see what the big deal is the victim replied, it is frightfully difficult to make a proper omelet with golden eggs; it’s nearly impossible.”
“You could buy a thousand omelets with a golden egg, you imbecile.” The wife retorted.
“Where’s the satisfaction in that?” The victim asked.
“Yep,” the booking officer told us, “we had to pull her off him again; she went at him like a honey badger…in her defense, he was kind of an idiot.
