Welcome to the Neighborhood
There are just some things you just don’t want to hear come out of your new neighbor’s mouth.
- Once we get the lab up and running, we can give you a great deal on crystal meth.
- You’ll have to excuse my wife, she has a form of voluntary Tourette’s syndrome. Your home is lovely, and your wife doesn’t at all have the appearance of a fat slutty whore.
- This seems like a nice quiet neighborhood where we can await the return of the mothership.
- I love this big spacious backyard, it’s perfect for burying evidence.
- I don’t see any cinder blocks in your front yard; where do you keep all of your old appliances?
- I’m going to paint my entire house hot pink, with giant flaming skulls on the side; your property value is going to soar.
- We really needed to find a bigger home; swamp rats really multiply fast.
- We had to move leave our last neighborhood; all our neighbor’s homes kept inexplicably burning down. Billy, put down those matches and come meet the new neighbors.
- We’re the Mitchells and this is our son Dennis. Sorry about that welt on your forehead; Dennis is a crack shot with that slingshot of his.
- It’s okay, you can shake my hand, leprosy isn’t nearly as contagious as most people think.
- This is our son Damien, some people think he’s the antichrist, but really, he’s just mischievous. But seriously, if you see him on a tricycle, back away.
- The witness protection people put me here because I whacked like fifty people, and then I ratted out the family to stay off death row…I mean, my name is Ed and I’m an accountant.
- Hi, my name’s Joe Exotic.
- We’re members of the Society of Obese Sweaty Nudists, we’ll be holding our weekly meetings in the backyard.
- Would you like to meet Yancey and Theodore, our pet howler monkeys.
- Do you like garden gnomes as much as I like garden gnomes? I hope you do, because I have hundreds of them.
- I’m Hannibal Lecter, I’d love to have you over for dinner.
- We’re not actual neo-Nazis, they weren’t radical enough for us.
- I hope your family loves to yodel as much as our family loves to yodel.
- No. We didn’t shave off all of our body hair because the cult makes us, we just like the way it feels. Although, the testicle piercing was mandatory.
- Pay no mind to the roosters, they only crow at sunrise.
- Our pet pythons only escape once in a while…you don’t have small children do you?
- You won’t have to worry about noisy lawnmowers with us, all the goats and sheep take care of our lawn.
- We’re here to do a television show: The Desperate Housewives of Erie, Pennsylvania.
“I’m really into topiary.”
idiotpruf 