WARNING: If you happen to be one of those progressively minded individuals whose relationship status on Facebook is “it’s complicated” you are about to be mocked.
Will you be mocked mercilessly?
Perhaps. Let’s just see how things go.
There are many things in this world that are complicated:
- Differential equations.
- String theory.
- The proposition of an interdimensional rift.
- Navigating a four-way stop in rural Pennsylvania. (You know who you are.)
- Explaining Schrodinger’s cat to a dog. (Obviously cats get it.)
- Explaining Schrodinger’s cat to a Sociology major named Brenda.
WARNING: Sociology majors named Brenda may also take a hit in this post.
- The musical constructs of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
- The paintings of Salvador Dali.
- Trying to ascertain the reason for the Kardashian’s mystifying popularity.
There are several reasons a person might choose ‘it’s complicated’ to represent their relationship status:
- They’re dating their second-cousin and they’re not quite sure if it’s legal in their state of residence. (They are certain it’s a bit icky.)
- The relationship status of the person they’re currently involved with: married.
- Facebook doesn’t currently provide the option: stalking someone.
- They’re a Sociology major named Brenda.
- They’re one of those weirdos who married themselves. Let’s be honest, being married to yourself is just the same as being single, but sad and more than a little creepy.
- They’re one of those weirdos who married a tree. Just think of the uncomfortable places they’re going to get splinters.
- They’re a Sociology major named Brenda who divorced yourself to marry a tree she had previously been stalking. (She then dumped the tree for a lumberjack–the ultimate betrayal.)
- They thought the status term was: it’s complimentary. Because everyone just says glowing things about them…despite the fact they were married to a tree.
- It’s complicated sounds better than I’m a man slut.
- It’s not really that complicated–you’re just not that bright.
My advice: just leave your relationship status blank…or date a tree, it’s up to you.