idiotpruf

The blog that prevents scurvy…as long as you eat orange slices while you read it.

Archive for the tag “Hare”

Slow and Steady Wins Nothing

There are people who will tell you that slow and steady wins the race.

Don’t buy it; those people are slovenly dull-witted liars who can only win races if they convince everyone else to take it slow and steady.

If you were to make a list of characteristics detrimental to winning a race, being slow would be near the top of the list.

I could make the argument that being slow is the entire list.

And I don’t want to hear that adding the word steady to the word slow makes it beneficial to winning a race. Being slow and steady simply means you’re being consistently slow.

It’s akin to saying a person is smart because they consistently do stupid things; things like claiming that slow people win races.

People like to put forth Aesop’s Fable of The Hare & the Tortoise as the prime example of slow and steady winning the race.

The Tortoise didn’t win the race because it’s better to be slow and steady; the Tortoise won the race because the Hare was clearly drugged.

You don’t just decide to take a nap in the middle of a race.

The race was being judged by the Fox and foxes are notoriously untrustworthy and degenerate gamblers.

There are two places you should never allow a fox: inside your henhouse and at the OTB.

There’s a version of the fable that details how a great forest-fire breaks out the night after the race. The Tortoise being the newly minted fasted animal in the forest, is sent to warn the rest of the animals of the forest. Because the Tortoise is slow, nobody is warned and all the animals of the forest burn to death.

Fun!

So, the next time you’re in a race, take it slow and steady, see how that works out for you.

Race Results Overturned by a Hare

turtle wins

The result in dispute.

LAS VEGAS, NV–In a shocking turn of events, the Nevada Gaming Commission has vacated the results of the infamous Tortoise vs. Hare race. The gaming commission, following an extensive investigation, has determined the results to have been unduly influenced by outside manipulation.

“Our suspicions were first piqued by the fact that hares tend to be very quick animals, while tortoises tend to be extremely slow animals, almost painfully so. Have you ever found yourself stuck in line at the supermarket behind a tortoise? It’s just a nightmare,” the gaming commissioner said.

The commissioner also reported suspicious activity in wagering surrounding the race. “Basically just the idea that anyone would bet heavily on a tortoise to defeat a hare in any kind of race is highly suspicious.”

Adding to the questions swirling around the race was the Hare’s sudden rise from a hole in the ground in a field, to a lush garden in a penthouse.

“I’ve invested wisely,” the Hare told us, “if you think one rabbit’s foot is lucky, I’ve got four of them.”

When pressed about alleged connections to a notorious Las Vegas bookmaker, the Hare refused comment, only pausing to mutter, “I’ve no plans to become hasenpfeffer.”

The Tortoise maintains his victory to be hard fought and legitimate. “Slow and steady wins the race,” the Tortoise reminded us.

“We have heard the ‘slow and steady’ argument before,” the commissioner replied, “but our research indicates, being slow is not a desired trait when you’re trying to win a race of virtually any kind. In fact, it tends to be quite a detriment.”

The Tortoise has filed an appeal and plans to appear before gaming commission. They’re still waiting for him to arrive; he is very slow.

gambler

The Hare’s associate claims to be on the up and up.

 

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