Regretting Your Pet Rhino?
So your pet rhinoceros has turned out to be more of a handful than you had anticipated.
When you saw that adorable baby rhino in the shop window, you horribly underestimated just how large rhinoceroses tend to get.
As adorable as little Philbert was when you brought him home, he isn’t so adorable now that he’s rampaging through the neighborhood and knocking over Honda Civics.
Your loudmouth neighbor owns a Honda Civic.
A full-grown rhinoceros will eat a lot. I cannot stress how much a full-grown rhinoceros can eat.
And even though it seems illogical, they crap more than they eat.
I know Antoine Lavoisier said matter cannot be created or destroyed, but I’m wagering he never saw a rhinoceros turn half a dozen pumpkins into a metric ton of rhino crap.
Rhinoceroses like to crap on rose bushes; They’re drawn to rose bushes like crapping on them is their purpose in life.
Your loudmouth neighbor has rose bushes.
Rhinoceroses tend to struggle with anger management, and they hate garden gnomes; if they see a garden gnome they will stomp it until it has been pulverized into a fine dust.
Your loudmouth neighbor has garden gnomes.
Did I mention a rhinoceros can puncture the side of a Honda Civic with its horn? It can–and it’s hilarious.
“It’s tipping the car over. It’s tipping the car over,” your loudmouth neighbor will scream in horror.
You know when you laugh so hard your side hurts, and you pee a little? That’s what happens.
And Insurance companies seem reticant to pay out on damages caused by an alleged rhinoceros attack.
Despite some of the positive things listed above, I would not recommend getting a rhinoceros as a pet.
Get something smaller and more manageable, like a gorilla.
Gorillas just throw their crap at your loudmouth neighbor–it’s hilarious.
