idiotpruf

International Carrot Day

I don’t want you to get too excited, but today is International Carrot Day.

That’s right. An entire day to celebrate everything about carrots.

Frankly, it may not be enough time

Here are a few quick facts about the carrot.

• Carrots were originally multi-colored until Dutch farmers crossbred yellow and red carrots to create the now-familiar orange carrot in the 1600s. (Only slightly more critical than the Dutch idea that your date pays for their own meal.)
• It’s a myth that carrots help you to see better in the dark. It’s radioactive carrots that help you see better in the dark…provided you don’t die from radiation poisoning.
• This myth was created by the British during World War II to conceal the fact that their pilots were using newly developed radar. I think the truth is they got their hands on some radioactive carrots.
• Having carrot cake for a snack allows you to pretend you’re having a healthy snack.
• When eating a carrot, it’s fun to repeatedly say, “What’s up, doc,” and pretend that you are Bugs Bunny.
• 1st-century Greek physician Dioscorides wrote in his 1st-century pharmacopeia of herbs and medicines, De Materia Medica, that “the root of the carrot can be cooked and eaten.” Man, those Greeks were on top of their shit.
• Maybe the most crucial fact: a carrot is a perfect thing to use to make a snowman’s nose and, if you’re so inclined, a snowman’s penis.

So go out there today and celebrate International Carrot Day by having yourself a fistful of carrots, but try to avoid radioactive carrots; they will genuinely make your hair fall out.