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Petition This

I'm Batman...for now.

I’m Batman…for now.

A resident of Westland, Michigan has filed an official petition with the Obama administration, asking the President to denounce the choice of Ben Affleck as the next Batman, and have the role recast.

The petition filer couldn’t be reached at his residence, his mother said that he was in the basement, and he didn’t want to be bothered.

Following in these footsteps of brilliance, I am now in the process of filing the following petitions:

  • Sack John Kerry as Secretary of State, and replace him with Levi from the Amish Mafia.
  • Replace the stodgy old image of the bald eagle on U.S. currency, with a hilarious drawing of Woody Woodpecker.
  • Create a third house of Congress comprised completely with losing contestants from the Bachelorette.
  • Every family in the country gets a helper monkey named Mojo.
What could be more helpful than this?

What could be more helpful than this?

  • Judge Judy: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
  • Any time the President is introduced, Kid Rock’s “American Badass,” plays in the background.
  • Only men who have a history of sexual deviance, may run for Mayor of New York City. (Sorry, this is already happening.)
  • Anthony Weiner’s cellphone to be rigged, so it can only send or receive images from fat guys named Earl, who constantly make fun of his name.
  • The closing bell on Wall Street to be replaced with a recording of Porky Pig, stammering the words, “that’s all folks.”
  • Justin Bieber will be deported unless he puts his shirt back on, and stops acting like an idiot.
  • President Obama will be constitutionally compelled to refer to Vice President Biden as his “Little Buddy” ala the Skipper and Gilligan.
  • Ben Affleck will have the constitutional right to go to the petition filer’s home, and slap the crap out of him.

If I have missed anything, let me know.

Introducing your new congressmen.

Introducing your new congressmen (American Badass, plays in the background)



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26 thoughts on “Petition This

  1. Ahahha! I’m envious of the concepts you come up with! Marvelous. Love them all! (I think we should deport Justin Beiber just cause.)


  2. That pretty much takes the cake. I can’t think of anything funny to say, but I’m afraid to be serious.


  3. Monotoonous on said:

    I like Woody, but I think Foghorn Leghorn might be a little more apt 🙂


  4. I like that Woody Woodpecker idea.


  5. Now that made me laugh. Ever been to Westland?


  6. I don’t care who plays Batman as long as it’s not Donald Trump…


  7. Really? A petition for the White House about who’s not going to be the new Batman? How weird can it get? I like your list of other things to petition. And if every family does get their own helper monkey, I may be persuaded to move to the US.


  8. Of all the stupid things…


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