A resident of Westland, Michigan has filed an official petition with the Obama administration, asking the President to denounce the choice of Ben Affleck as the next Batman, and have the role recast.
The petition filer couldn’t be reached at his residence, his mother said that he was in the basement, and he didn’t want to be bothered.
Following in these footsteps of brilliance, I am now in the process of filing the following petitions:
- Sack John Kerry as Secretary of State, and replace him with Levi from the Amish Mafia.
- Replace the stodgy old image of the bald eagle on U.S. currency, with a hilarious drawing of Woody Woodpecker.
- Create a third house of Congress comprised completely with losing contestants from the Bachelorette.
- Every family in the country gets a helper monkey named Mojo.
- Judge Judy: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
- Any time the President is introduced, Kid Rock’s “American Badass,” plays in the background.
- Only men who have a history of sexual deviance, may run for Mayor of New York City. (Sorry, this is already happening.)
- Anthony Weiner’s cellphone to be rigged, so it can only send or receive images from fat guys named Earl, who constantly make fun of his name.
- The closing bell on Wall Street to be replaced with a recording of Porky Pig, stammering the words, “that’s all folks.”
- Justin Bieber will be deported unless he puts his shirt back on, and stops acting like an idiot.
- President Obama will be constitutionally compelled to refer to Vice President Biden as his “Little Buddy” ala the Skipper and Gilligan.
- Ben Affleck will have the constitutional right to go to the petition filer’s home, and slap the crap out of him.
If I have missed anything, let me know.