Read by four out of five drunken monkeys, written by the fifth.

Archive for the tag “smuggle”

A Few Thoughts About Smuggling Horse Genitals


“You can stay, but horse genitals have to go.”

You may have seen an odd story in the news a few weeks ago. A story about pair of women caught trying to smuggle 13 pounds of horse genitals into the country.

Two immediate thoughts leapt into my head.

  1. When you’ve been caught smuggling 13 pounds of horse genitals, you’ve likely taken a few missteps down the path of life. Weird irrevocable missteps.
  2. Your high school guidance counselor has failed you miserably.

The two women were carrying 13 pounds of horse genitals and three liters of yak milk.

Note: if I’ve learned anything from Martha Stewart, it’s that it is a major faux pas to serve horse genitals without the proper pairing of yak milk. You can also use a lighter bodied Zinfandel in a pinch.

One of the women claimed the genitals were needed for medicinal purposes.

Evidently smuggling 13 pounds of horse genitals is a cure for not being creepy.

Horsemeat is prohibited from entering the U.S. if it’s not accompanied by an official government horsemeat certification from the country it came from.

Note: am I the only person that finds it odd that ‘an official government horsemeat certification’ is a thing?

A Customs and Border Protection officer, a Mr. Ed, summed up the incident, “it was all just so horrifying.”

Mr. Ed

A customs officer being consoled after a horrifying discovery.

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