Is This the Apocalypse?
I recently came across a couple of news stories that are a cause for concern in the New York area.
And no, I’m not referring to the story about the increasing problem of obesity in New York City rats. Obesity has long been a problem with the rats of New York City; it’s nothing new.
To be honest, the biggest problem with the rats of New York City is how insufferably rude they are.
The story I’m talking about is the one about the giant venomous spiders that are heading up the East Coast; they have a four-inch leg span and the ability to fly.
No spider should have a four-inch leg span.
No spider should have the ability to fly.
Certainly, no spider that doesn’t come from the brain of Stephen King should possess both traits.
The New Jersey Pest Control has warned: it is a matter of when, not if, they travel up the coast. They are called the Joro Spider, and while they aren’t as rude as those fatass rats from New York City, they are still freaky.
The second story is about the first known case of a sexually transmitted form of ringworm in the United States.
The highly contagious fungal skin infection is a rare manifestation of dermatophytosis affecting the genitals and pubic region.
Of all the regions to be affected by a highly contagious fungal skin infection, the genital and pubic region is probably the worst.
A New York City man has been identified with the infection.
Who has time to worry about infections in their pubic region when the air is thick with flying spiders?
Is this the beginning of the apocalypse? Even the ten plagues of Egypt didn’t have flying spiders.
Luckily, I live in western New York far from New York City; the worst thing we have to deal with is deer ticks. Deer ticks are nasty, but at least they can’t fly, they aren’t sexually transmitted, and they tend not to be churlish.
To be fair, deer ticks have very little personality at all.
I’m not sure if this signifies the end of the world, but my advice for you is to stay vigilant and probably to avoid New York City.
idiotpruf 